Thursday, March 30, 2006

This computer only communicates in German. So the choice is between "Ansicht" (View) and "Loschen" (Delete) while starting to write. Slowly more and more words are making sense. Out of random conversations I can pick up stray words that I do understand and piece together what people might be talking about. I maybe so wrong but imagination is a good thing :) And then I do understand which station my train is coming in and from where I can get the connecting one. In Heidelberg, the man at the croissant shop knows me, and gives me what I want unasked each morning, it makes me feel good. Such small things make a big difference...especially for me. I don't get up all fresh and chirpy at 6 in the morning, I would rather work till 4 at night and it takes me a quite a bit of convincing to feel anything to be worth this early morning torture, and the croissant man's smile does it for me.

Have a very hi-fi cell phone right now. The buttons are still a mystery. I positively did not ask the cell phone to talk to me in German... but at frequent intervals it can. It has powers, I tell you, that I can't control... yet. In K's hand it is another matter. It melts with glee, and shows off more everyday, especially at 3 in the night. K is full with glee too, and it is an ongoing love affair that I can only grind my teeth and watch. I plot the best moment for it to land in the flowerbeds 3 floors below. My attempts have come to naught so far, but soon, very soon. In the meantime I am somewhat thawed by this picture, through its eyes and low resolution capacity, it is by far the most flattering picture of me that I have seen in recent times. Maybe I should reconsider, life as it is, of a cellphone or otherwise is after all ephemereal... why deny it some selfless pleasure... nah, that would be too cruel... and so the hand that holds the orange Sony Ericsson thingie relaxes a bit, the mistress can stay some more.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The other side of the fence

No scientist who has to do animal research will say its pleasant, or that they enjoy it. But where else will the medicines come from? England is notorius for animal rights activism and I do agree about accountability and the no-wastage policy, but somehow extremist activism just does not appeal to me. This comes from the other side...

Monday, March 20, 2006

This commuting thing is insane. Comfortable actually but insane. This routine is making me a zombie, only thing on my mind all the time is Sleep. I get up in the morning thinking when I will get to sleep again, not good... at all!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Such a depressing day, its pouring a "wintry mix" from the sky.
Perfect day for lying curled up with a book/ blog reading. Am onboard Uma's Carnival of Feminists now.
I have nothing to write.
This was such a short break.
I will have kartoffel soup now.
And go back to reading.

p.s. finished reading Philip Pullman's Dark Materials trilogy at last, Marvelous!
p.p.s. also finished "Mystery of the hidden house- a five find-outers mystery" by Enid Blyton, heh!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Blank Noise Project Blog-a-thon

Many years ago, since I certainly want to forget, there were incidents that dictated how I behaved in a public space, almost as if every part of me was alive to attack. It was not concious but subconcious and even now every trip back on a Bombay train, a Delhi bus or a walk on the streets of India brings on that subconcious prickling. The Blank Noise Project addresses the secrets that almost every woman I know of has faced, and in some cases the men I know have faced them too. A commendable effort with pieces by people that silence my own experiences into nothing though they still live on my mind. There have been many times with the incidents replayed and a very angry boyfriend at the end of it, but when that moment ends all that is left is the feeling of nausea, wishing it would all come out in puke, bitter though it maybe. But the throat remains clogged, the fist clenched, and the anger spills with even more distrust. This is the reality being addressed in an effort by the Blog-a-thon organised by people at the Blank Noise Project. And in silence I read the many voices that speak of similar experiences, and much more besides. In some ways for all these voices, Thank You.

Long P.S. Stunning experiences down in writing -
:Annie at the Known Turf - (what does one say after reading this)
:Megha's short story - (well, it happened to me, not an IIT guy but a brother of an aquaintance, and I was 11).
:Roshan Paul's perspective - (experience 1- faced it and even now have nightmares about it; experience 2 - chilling to say the least)
:Neha's point at Within/Without as well as Shoefiend's experiences - "It is silence that binds us", so very true, and that is why acknowledging the problem and facing up to it is at least the first step, along with actually voicing out the truth about what happens to women on the streets of the world. It is not simply India, though the frequency with which it is faced is tremendously scary, it also happens in other cities, other countries (there would be no Law and Order-SVU otherwise). And the question still remains, Why? But, Why?
I happened to relive all the memories last night, and today morning passed in a blur. I had to write, and face the nightmares again. I still don't know how helpful it will be, but I had to do it. It had to come out. Like all others who have faced the past all their lives.