Thursday, May 18, 2006

in/out

Out of odds with everything. Simple detachment. Trying to feel the passion. That I used to feel. Why do I go to "work" everyday. Does it...Did it ever...count?

Aasman mera, meri zameen, manzil khoyi khoyi...

The world is simply a heartbeat away, waiting for me. I dream of it often, of going out, and (pardon the cliche) making a difference. But truly yes. I do. Except it doesn't seem to work that way. What do I have to show for myself when I am no more... how many lives affected? and what happens in the meantime ... while I am alive? Does it have to be this way...this mundane existence of living each day exactly as the day before and after, and so watch the months and years pass by. Can I not change it, this boring repetitive pattern that I can see emerging and feel helpless to cut. Instead there is the hiding, brooding and feeling sorry about it all. The well-practised escape into the world of fiction where the characters can be whosoever one wants them to be, and one can visit the places, situations and lives that one imagined living. But then I am too young to let go. And therein lies the decision - to give in or to forge for what feels right, mental baggage notwithstanding. Time will tell. Till then, in suspension, I watch myself and my 'professional everyday life' balance faraway thoughts with the immediate necessities of the hour.

And then I read this via km's blog. And once again I find the blogworld amazingly comforting.

ps. aajke shudhu "aabol taabol" porar din :)
in translation : a day to read sukumar ray!

8 Comments:

At 5:52 PM, Blogger km said...

Bidi-K: Since you have committed a major copyright violation by linking to my post, how's this for reparation: I recently googled for lyrics to a lovely old Hemanta Mukherjee song and landed up on your blog. Can you please post the full lyrics and translate it into English for this non-Bengali fan of Bengali music? :))

(And if that's too much work, you can let me know.)

 
At 10:18 PM, Blogger Bidi-K said...

Don't believe I walked right into that one! :) Will do, which one?

 
At 10:39 PM, Blogger km said...

There you go. Love that song. And thank you.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Joy Forever said...

Roj kato kichhu ghote jaha-taha... amon keno sotyi hoyna aha!
Very nice post... I've been reading your blog for quite some time, though I think this is the first time I commented...
And thanks for the link to KM's blog... You can check out this post on my blog... it's somewhat similar.

 
At 11:22 PM, Blogger Bidi-K said...

km: modified that post, check it out.

joy forever: thanks! and i did read that post of yours before, and found it very unnerving in some sense. Its something that will always stay in my mind.

 
At 2:35 AM, Blogger kundalini said...

hi bidi-k, am over from km's. really enjoyed journeying through your blog.

(and i agree, the best mangoes arent found in mumbai :))

 
At 3:27 PM, Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

I have the exact same thoughts. Often. Very nicely written.

 
At 2:10 AM, Blogger Bidi-K said...

kundalini, m : thanks.

 

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