Do Deewane

2008-12-05T07:14:00.002+01:00

Its kind of funny, the unexplainably weird kind of funny, that I heard a lecture today about memory and then I came home to read this about HM, the most famous amnesia patient ever . This was one of the reasons I chose neuroscience as a field, the enormous void of things we don't know, and its come one full circle today, somehow.

Life in Montreal...

2008-05-27T16:31:00.002+02:00

.... is simply great, especially now that summer is here. Or I should say summer is almost here. There are days that are sprinkled with enough sunlight to make me happy, but mostly in the past week its been dark and rainy. Good for movie days and nights, or lying sprawled with a book.

Our apartment is in beautiful shape finally. This has simply been one of the longest settling-in's ever... and thats how we know that we have friends here. Almost every evening was spent outside, giving us hardly anytime to ourselves or to unpack our 101 boxes of burden. In addition, everytime we were in Ikea I was distracted by all the things that we didn't need, driving K insane, but finally.. finally I was back to the ground, and now we have a pad for ourselves and for family and friends to visit us in Montreal. All this happened just before K left for Frankfurt and Warsaw for another work related trip, so he is now across the Atlantic filling himself with all the sausages, beer and döner kebab that he misses in his beloved Germany :).. ok I am sort of kidding, but not really.

Food is super here. We live in an immigrant zone in Montreal where there are more Greeks, Russians, Lebanese than Quebecois, and 5 minutes from home is this row of varied eating places, that we kind of toss a coin for choosing which one, almost every other night. The people are friendly too, and not at all politically correct*. Its refreshing almost. The other part of North America. Never dreamed about being here, but now that I am (we are), its comfortable.

* well... so long as you don't joke about Quebec independence, or about Montreal Canadiens!

Link and news

2008-02-27T10:35:00.003+01:00

One of the most comprehensive articles on Dr Binayak's arrest and continual denial of bail that I have read so far; please do read.

In the meantime we have been traveling like crazy...India, Cambodia, Canada, Italy and now we are in Congo. We have an apartment in Montreal already and all I am dreaming of right now is to somehow get there soon and start having some sort of a schedule again...away from this continual nomadic existence. I love the traveling but, with no place called home to return to at the end of not just days but months, its starting to get hard on us. I guess we are not qualified long-term backpackers yet even though for me 3 months on the road is actually long enough. Once we are in Montreal I hope to be regular again on the blog. Au revoir from Kinshasa.

Update One

2007-11-03T19:37:00.000+01:00

All my wishful thinking comes to naught. We will be moving again early next year, to Montreal, Canada. And just this once I am so looking forward to the move. This year and the next promises to be more of the roller-coaster life has been ever since K and I have been together. At times I feel its never going to end... and I do want to settle a bit! Not to be boring or anything but... too much moving is not good for the back, you know. Anyways I have been so hopeless that in the mad rush of running around, trying to get things done at work and getting papers ready for the next step, I have clean forgotten all festivals this year. So before I forget, a belated Shubho Bijoya and an early Diwali wish, because who knows when I get the time and inclination to sit down again. I have been mentally composing posts meanwhile, supposedly witty and at times whimsical ones, but I can't remember any of them anymore.

Before the end of the year we have to file for the visa and make a trip to India which is long overdue but will comprise of a mere 10 days, then we come back, try to sell stuff and hope that things move smoothly through the transition. I am a knot these days, so tied up and feeling so restricted in all dimensions. I will be happy to breathe in some Indian air and see some other colours very soon. Can't wait. And in the meantime I am filing away all our books on Shelfari, its pretty cool.

barely breathing

2007-06-27T20:44:00.000+02:00

Feels like I have been away forever. Its not really the settling time or anything but rather a lack of motivation for all things. The apartment has been ready for quite some time and we really feel at home now. Its an old building where we live, our balcony faces the same backyard square as do quite a few other balconies, we can hear the churchbells ring every hour and on weekends one can hear the Italian across singing soulful ballads at the top of his voice in competition to the songs playing on his stereo. Some nearby apartment seems inhabited by a bunch of Punjabis whom we can hear jabbering away at lunchtime, and then there are children screaming away in the evening playing in the backyard square. These sounds of living were unexpected since our house contract and people's experiences made us cautious about making much noise, but the joys of finding it otherwise in our small corner makes me feel like I am home again.

for Dr. Binayak Sen

2007-05-20T13:40:00.000+02:00

Update1 : from the PUCL groups link

Update2 : Dr.Binayak's brother's blog and SaveBinayak site from UK

We have been in this cocoon for a while during this move. Just immersed in settling in and ignoring all else, other than weekly calls to parents.

Today my father told me that a family friend has been arrested. Dr. Binayak Sen was my pediatrician, and he was that and more for more people than I could possibly imagine, and he is being held in Raipur jail on false charges. Maybe you already know the story, and maybe you don't but these are the links that will guide you through what he is, his work and the horrible injustice of it all, and if you would petition 1 and 2 and/or could help in any other way I would be most grateful.

When I was a baby, during the first 2 years of my life, he was my doctor. Regular checkups, my mother's concerns and any pointers for me were all shared with him. He left for another task too early for me to significantly detect the change, and we also left for a different place for a short while. When we returned, and whenever he and his wife did come for visits to the campus, they always dropped in and it was then that I came to know my childhood doctor more and more. He was mostly serious, now and then breaking into a smile that lit everyone up, but whom I loved more and felt closer to was his wife Ilina. She was always so radiant, and so full of life and energy. I think I was a very immature kid, in that I never realized how much these two would go through on an everyday basis and how much of it I was oblivious to in my sheltered life. Their stories, their work, and how much they gave up for doing all that they did, never came home to me till I was in college. And even now its something that I have admired from afar, and have held close as a hope, and an optimistic view of all that could be done if one only wanted and chose to do so. Till today, when some these hopes came crashing down. For someone who has given everything to try and build up health care in one of the poorest parts of India, courageously carried on despite all odds still retaining the sense of humour and hope in everyday life that many lose in lesser circumstances, I cannot imagine what he or his wife would be feeling now. I don't know how this happens, how is it that sincere, logical and humane voices are silenced for nothing more than upholding the very humanity they work so hard to enable, and that we all supposedly should share.

It really hit hard this time. Partly because of a personal connection, but more so because I have been seriously thinking of going back to do something in the organisations that have been built by people we know, and this was such a kick in my guts. I am just hoping and praying for Dr. Binayak Sen and Ilina mashi. Apart from communicating their plight across, there is not much else that I can do. And this sense of powerlessness should never be a part of democracy.

2007-03-26T14:18:00.000+02:00

There is no internet at home, and the packed boxes almost reach the ceiling in our bedroom. This moving business is never-ending with delays and bumps that are inherent to the process. But its all good, this time there are 2 of us doing it, and yesterday with the sun shining down us and the songs of our courting playing loudly in the background, we were so relaxed, and smiling at the piles of cardboard before us. Today is reserved for dismantling all the 101 bookcases that comprise our furniture, and tommorrow is the designated panic day where we find all the small but supremely important things that we've managed to leave out, before the truck comes and puts us out of this packing misery, and flings us into the unpacking madness thereafter. I doubt there will be any posts before we get our internet set up in Basel, till then take care.

All this makes me remember my last packing experience less than 2 years ago. I hope the next time lies further away!

2007-03-04T23:55:00.000+01:00

sometimes i think of what it is that makes me the best kind of happy, and then i find that that feeling in the world comes to me only on a sunday which has all of the following:

a. waking up with the sun on my face, and following it through one room to another through the day.
b. talking to family with the morning sun as company.
c. laying sprawled with a book, with K reading alongside similiarly sprawled in the afternoon sun, the sounds of children playing a few floors below as a steady hum.
d. almost stretching like Hobbes and watching the sun on its way down, as it paints the sky with sublime and violent shades of colour with each step of its descent.
e. leaning out of the balcony and watching the lights come on in the nearby buildings one by one, breathing in the air slowly and watching all the shades of darkening blue in the sky, till they become black.
f. drifting in and out of these states with pauses, till finally sleep comes.

tomorrow is monday.
and now that i think about it, a sunday without c is no sunday for me at all.

2007-02-14T13:05:00.000+01:00

We have the apartment, Yay! We saw some 15 apartments, 5 on one day and 10 on another, out of which we liked 5 and applied for them. We got the responses yesterday, and one included the one we really liked. That makes things so much easier, and the good thing is that so many more people speak english, so I don't have to struggle with my german, and so could avoid telling them things that don't mean anything when translated. So, packing starts now!

2007-02-11T03:37:00.000+01:00

I just wish that things could happen on their own. Getting another visa, finding an apartment, the right insurance, packing and moving on, while one could sit comfortably and watch it all happening while reading a book! Alas for poor researchers and their equally poor but awesomely busy husbands, things only work out when they push, shove and make their way to the next step. I am in one word - Stressed!!!

And as always whenever I am stressed I do random things like this:

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

2007-01-14T18:24:00.000+01:00

There is so much going on everyday that its hard to find time to sit on a computer at leisure, or even to think about writing what I have been composing in my mind for several days. Its hard to string words together all of a sudden. So, we are going to move again, this time to Basel in Switzerland. If someone had paid me an enormous amount of money last year to even think of doing my postdoc in S. I'd have simply rejected the offer, but now that I have settled in this lab for almost the past one year, formed an idea of a project and so on, its just not that easy to walk out. In fact I can't. There is a bond of loyalty, and also of a fascination to learn a new technique in a new system. Too many people have told me that S. is a boring country, not too open to foreigners unless you bring them money to put in their vaulted banks, but right now I am thinking of giving them a fair chance of either charming me or losing me forever. Its all upto them! But I have to say that the administration handling the paperwork is frighteningly efficient compared to normal european standards, which does give one some hope :)

The past week or so has swept by. And the from the end of next week and more we will be in Montreal, meeting old friends and freezing in the cold. Not the best season to visit, but considering that K was in Siberia last year at this time, I'd just say we are maintaining a tradition.

Meanwhile, we have this new craze of making all kinds of cocktails at home. Bottles jostle against one another while we exercise our imaginations of how to make a standard cocktail even more complex (and sometimes undrinkable), but on the whole I'd say we are charting quite a novel path of newer concoctions, as a result of which I am writing with a somewhat fuzzy brain and a strong urge to sleep pretty early tonight. And now that I think of it I am also feeling rather hungry. I had in mind to post a few songs on the blog from my favorites but that will have to wait I guess. Till next time.

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T22:02:00.000+01:00

Exactly my resolution!

©2006 Universal Press Syndicate

The skies around us are exploding with the colours of fireworks. We got some rockets to send up this year, very colourful ones I believe. We are off to try them. It was a little hard to buy more than these, since every firework name was in Deutsch and we couldn't quite make out if something was a sparkler as compared to a more noisy firework and so on. The pictures in front were not particularly helpful, and we seriously did not want a noisy new year's eve. Therefore the rockets, the easiest to discern, no mistaking them.

I also made a yummy lemon torte today, it was a new recipe, and it turned out so tasty... it was so easy too, the lemon taste was perfectly zesty, just the way we like it. So with tummies happy and glasses of Sekt in our hands, we feel perfectly able to face the cold night out to light our fireworks along with all kids downstairs.

Happy New year to all of you. May the New Year bring you Joy, Cheer and all things Merry! And may it be filled with more Kindness and Generosity in the world. Everyone needs it. Wish you all the very best.

Go Slowly

2006-12-10T02:28:00.000+01:00

In July 2003 when I came to know that I would be in Paris for my masters I was very happy and had written a mail to Dr Jaganathan who was guiding our activities in the Affordable Solutions Lab at KReSIT, IIT Bombay. As a response I received this small poem from him that he considered one of his favorites. Well I am out of touch with him and perhaps will not be easy to get him but I have these words that work up in my mind at the beginning of any major change I attempt in life.

------
Go Slowly

If you want your dream to be,
Take your time, go slowly.
Do few things but do them well,
Heartfelt work grows purely.

Day by day, stone by stone,
Build your secrets slowly.
Day by day, you'll grow too.
You'll know heaven's glory.

If you want to live life free,
Take your time, go slowly.
Do few things but do them well,
Heartfelt joys are holy.

by Donovan Leitch, sung by the
friends of Francis of Assisi in the movie
"Brother Sun, Sister Moon"
--------

Enter Khal

2006-11-24T15:46:00.000+01:00

There's a new blogger on the block whose blog is as wonderful (read, a riot) as he is . Well... almost :) Took me by surprise, and then I spent the whole of Sunday laughing at his posts. Well, it could also be because I could so easily picture him saying all that he writes. Go enjoy, you are guaranteed fun, I promise.

2006-11-22T00:52:00.000+01:00

Scrumptious dinner, divine liquor. And that is all the description I can manage at the moment. Don't want to let this day go. One of those rare ones where things are just what they should be, not perfect or anywhere near, but just so. But its midnight already. Goodnight.

Another small drop

2006-11-14T23:33:00.000+01:00

In the midst of running out of the house every morning with barely a cuppa coffee, to missed lunches, grabbing whatever food comes your way, phone calls saying that you will be late coming home yet again. Amongst everyday frustrations on how the nitty-gritties of work can overshadow the real purpose of it, somehow something good does happen. And it all shows in this woman's smile, and yours at the end of a trip to Congo.

And now its back to work again. Another crisis on its way, and I strongly suspect you like this running in the face of probable solutions.

And as I am writing this, I realize that the tone sounds restrained, but then no one sees this wide smile on my face and quiet pride in my heart as I type this note for you.

Of tags, jigsaws and ladybugs

2006-10-23T23:31:00.000+02:00

Almost all that my computer holds is music. Less data, more music (catchy ain't it? :)). So it was most challenging to simply list top favorites. Almost made me subdivide in 101 categories of top played, but I somehow resisted, and did a simple most-played tag that Kundalini requested. But please bear in mind that this is only the Current Top Played, it changes by mood, disorders, happiness, jigsaw puzzles... you name it, there is a favorite for everything.

Songs on my playing list. Will try and share some, when I do get the time, I did try on sendspace and odeo but they were too slow for me, any suggestions are most welcome.

Across the Universe (Beatles/Rufus Wainwright)
Lotus Feet (Shakti)
Hazaron Khwaishen Aisi (Jagjit Singh)
Nature Boy (Miles Davis/Nat King Cole/Ella Fitzgerald)
Sajna Tere Bina (Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan)
Windmills of your Mind (Jose Feliciano/Sting)
Tumi Aashbei Aami Jaani (Suman Chatterjee)
Shaam-e-gham ki Kasam (Talat Mahmood)
Arizona Dreams (Goran Bregovich & Emir Kusturica)
Bad Day (REM)
Both sides now (Joni Mitchell)
Can't take my eyes off you (Frank Vallie)
If I was a rich man (Fiddler on the Roof; Topol)
Lemon Tree (Sting)
Cigarettes and Chocolate (Rufus Wainwright)
Hallelujah (Jeff Buckley)
Thodasa Roomani Ho Jaayen (Chhaya Ganguly)

and now I notice that I don't have any Simon and Garfunkel, no Tracy Chapman, or songs from "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" (I love the movie) on my list. Horror of horrors!
The tag passes on to Anyesha, Joy and Sines and Scribbles. Only if they want to :)

and in the meantime I caught my 6th cold this year, Gah, Gah and more Gah!!! Seriously hate this periodic sniffing and hunting for tissue paper, like there is nothing better to do. And the weekend was spent thus - .

K at the table

All done! Pat Pat :)

And its ladybug season in Frankfurt, they're everywhere, and a pleasure to photograph, inspire such beautiful stories and bring smiles and luck to all. Only downside is that I have to go about warily so that I don't tread on them by mistake, here's a pair on our balcony, just like two commuters meeting on the tube.

Oh and I also updated the silly pics, Whew!

2006-10-21T23:16:00.000+02:00

Diwali ki haardik shubh kaamnaayein.

My favorite festival, simply because of the ritual of "choddo pidim" (14 diyas); wherein Ma and I would put each of the 14 diyas in the darkest corners of the house leaving a small courageous flickering flame behind us. It symbolised too many things in my childlike heart back then and somehow the emotions associated with the ritual have yet to fade. The rest could be dispensed with but not this simple ceremony. Most of the day was spent in the lab this year. I did manage to get back not too late, and light as many diyas as I could. The house is now dark and each room has a small flickering flame the glow of which makes everything look beautiful. Happy Diwali everyone!

pic courtesy: KVRN Kiran Kumar at treklens.com/gallery/Asia

2006-10-20T18:42:00.000+02:00

Change is inevitable, most times necessary. Yet sometimes one wishes that somethings would never change. Desipundit is closing shop and the variety of reading material that they offered will be available no more. A pity, since they gifted me innumerable hours of reading pleasure that I would've been hard pressed to find on my own. I can only add in my thanks, and wish all at DesiPundit a hopeful Au Revoir!

Update: And it seems that hopes are being rewarded these days. They are back already :)

On why there is the K in Bidi-K

2006-10-15T19:15:00.000+02:00

I seriously had a lot to write. I have not done a proper blog post for ages. So this weekend when K left for Congo, I thought I would have plenty of time to actually sit down, put those thoughts in order and get out a decent writeup before lapsing into bits and pieces again. Instead I've vacuumed, done all the pending laundry, called my parents, called a long-lost recently-got-in-touch-with school friend, my best friend, watched Sex and the City (which in turn made me more depressed; now I not only miss K but also desperately miss NYC; haven't been there for the last 8 months; I don't know how I survive), also watched "Khatta-Meetha", finished Sally Gardener's I, Coriander and started on Neil Gaiman's Fragile Things, besides working on a new 2000 piece puzzle.

And all this completely justifies the Bidi-K. The K is needed to make Bidi write. Apparently a peaceful house with no one peeking over her shoulder and asking "isn't it done yet, your tea is cold, don't you have lab meeting tomorrow" doesn't quite do it for Bidi. She seemingly thrives, is sane and at peace with the K brand of chaos. And that is an eye-opener.

ps. and talking of NY, I seriously can't believe that this institution will be gone the next time I am there. Quite shocking.

2006-10-02T14:10:00.000+02:00

Shubho Bijoya
Happy Dussehra to family and friends and all fellow bloggers. Have fun.

I miss Mumbai

2006-09-23T00:37:00.000+02:00

I miss Mumbai

Doing the tag

2006-09-19T00:30:00.000+02:00

I was tagged by Greatbong, so here they are..silly pics from a long time ago...

Bidi-

-K

Update: Since people thought we were not silly enough!

Bidi and K.

On a beautiful Sunday morning...

after that cup of hot chocolate

everytime K gets a haircut

Hrishikesh Mukherjee adieu.

2006-08-27T22:53:00.000+02:00

We were just talking about Hrishikesh Mukherjee today, because we had all watched "Golmaal" yesterday, and laughed our hearts out. Remembering "Tujhko maaf nahi, saaf kar doonga", or "Tum police officer nahi, foolish officer hai", or those beautifully subtle humorous moments that poke at the hindi film industry, and gently nudges the middle class culture into a mainstream movie subject. He was one of my favorite movie directors, one of whom I always turn to when I am down, or just need a laugh tinged with nostalgia. The gentleness and "non-over-the-top" tone in his movies were such a breath of fresh air in the melodrama laden atmosphere of Bollywood.

And today I read on Uma's blog that he is no more. And I can only reiterate her words, thank you, and thank god for each of those movies that kept me sane through those first 3 months of grad school.

Rediff has a nice article on him here.

"You will not be able to bring my Ganga here"

2006-08-23T00:40:00.000+02:00

Read the article here.
Another related article from the archives here.

I still remember a very young me, bleary-eyed, dropping off to sleep and yet retaining the sweetness of sound in my ears as I lay on my parents lap during a SPIC MACAY performance. Since then, I have heard a few of his live concerts, definitely not as many as I would have liked to attend, and now I regret there will be no more. None of that magnitude, that charisma, the mischief and the humbleness - such a potent combination. An end of an era.

And finally, the sounds of his music.

In honor of the humble Indian photograph studio

2006-08-19T22:03:00.000+02:00

Smile please!

2006-08-04T21:53:00.000+02:00

No time to blog, but this I had to post. A friend sent this link to me, Amartya Sen interviews with Pranab Bardhan. Please to read.

its monday morning

2006-07-30T23:36:00.000+02:00

1st tag, 100th post, random notes

2006-07-28T08:14:00.000+02:00

First a random note - writing for fellowships depresses me... am really not fellowship material :) in other words, busy.. in the meanwhile parents are here and I come home to good hot cooked food everyday. This may cease soon when they go places from here. So nice to have them around, and talk, since the last trip to India was spent more with relatives than with them. Will never make that mistake again.

And finally... the tag. Its never too late or is it?

I am thinking about ... how to excite single neurons with light and look at the response in the connected ones, yes I am at work!
I said ... 'gesundheit' to a fellow labmate 2 seconds ago
I want to ... go out and smell the fresh earth, it just rained after 5 stifling hot days
I wish ... for a fully loaded children's library with books in English ( I live in Germany remember!) to magically appear nextdoors
I hear ... voices in my head constructing sentences right now
I wonder ... when the heck is my next vacation?
I regret ... that I never did take those singing lessons as a kid
I am ... extremely goofy when I am with close friends
I dance ... with pleasure, but sometimes self-conciously
I sing ... blues well, and high-pitched hindi songs pretty badly.
I cry ... each and every time I watch a well-done sad/sentimental movie scene.
I am not always ... myself in company
I make with my hands ... what I simply cannot with my feet!
I write ... without thinking much
I confuse ... people into thinking that I am too serious
I need ... a hug from K everyday when I come home from work, and to go to an old book store every now and then and breathe that air, then I am happy.

there, its over before I knew it! Passed on to Greatbong (who has complained that people don't think of tagging him), Nomita (first-timer), Dweep (he might have fun :), and Sines (if she does get the time).

2006-07-11T23:49:00.000+02:00

Sitting in an AC room all day learning something that I already know. Sniffing at frequent intervals, and nearly strangling myself trying not to cough. Surving through pure willpower, water and Ricola. Longing to come home. I do. K meets me at the station and tells me of what happened in Mumbai today. The day just dropped to its lowest. Sadness and Silence. Thoughts and Prayers. For the city and its people.

Check MumbaiHelp.

My dream job

2006-07-05T17:45:00.000+02:00

There is always hope!
(link in title)

and in the World Cup

2006-07-01T23:04:00.000+02:00

And Whats Happening?... Surprise after surprise at the World Cup! I don't think anybody thought that Brazil would lose to France. Almost 80% of the people in Frankfurt+visitors (my impression) sported Brazil T-shirts or carried the flag and they all have stunned expressions on their faces as we come back home on the tram. What an upset! .... though I feel that France played so much better than Brazil today that they deserved to win.
In the other match I was supporting Portugal.. wearing their colours and all, and I am so glad they won, though I still don't see how seasoned players can miss a penalty not because the goalkeeper stops the ball but because the ball is not on its way between the two poles at all!
Also glad about the Germany and Italy wins... this World Cup is quite turning out to be of my liking, though I would've liked Brazil to be up there too.

Update: July4 - Haha, Italy wins the first semi... they truly deserved to.. what a thrilling finish! Their dribbling was awesome to watch (though they run so much slower than the germans), and they missed some chances, but they finally converted 2 of them. Germany played abysmally, goals went wide and where were the finishers? This nation is in mourning.

2006-06-30T15:53:00.000+02:00

So many times I have bought albums simply because of the covers...

Hail to the thief,Radiohead

The Eraser, Thom Yorke

.... though for all of the above its quite like double bonanza.... Music+Cover, what fun!

2006-06-28T23:07:00.000+02:00

Glad to know that things maybe changing in Delhi if you do have the money (article via NY times). But when was it ever a "snake charmer city"??

my Japan month

2006-06-27T11:46:00.000+02:00

I have this Huge pile of Japanese movies at home, all courtesy a friend. I hadn't heard of any of them but each story sounds fascinating. And something that makes me extra happy is that 2 of them are pure anime. The only anime I have been exposed to so far are the usual Miyazaki (actually watched Totoro for the 3rd time yesterday.. the movie is magic, though my favorite is still Porco Rosso), the Maison Ikkoku series, and Dragonball. Now my repertoire increases, and I get to be more educated, Yippeee!!!

Am also reading the Otori trilogy at the same time. Its such a fast read that I can finish it on my train commute without much brain exercise, which is perfect for me these days. Thats not to say its completely frothy, but is actually a well-researched, swashbuckling (love that word!) adventure story set in medieval-era Japan replete with warriors, monks, beautiful and strong women, lovingly painted landscapes and intricate codes of honor and sacrifice, all in all giving a pretty good overview of the society Japan was and maybe still is. Somehow I always thought the author was a man, but Lian Hearn isn't, and I hear that she is writing more for the series so I am eagerly looking forward to the new ones.

All in all,seems like a Japan month for me. Now if I could only get to Tokyo :)

ps. I found this great video from "Tonari no Totoro" on YouTube, hope it works.

In Congo

2006-06-23T14:02:00.000+02:00

This puts things in perspective for me (link in the title). Sometimes when I compare what Kaushik does to what I do..

WM in Frankfurt

2006-06-18T15:09:00.000+02:00

A weekend at home after what feels like ages. Work is on full swing and there are not enough hours in the day to even spend time with K. When we are together we spend all our time either watching soccer or soccer fans in full spirits on the streets of Frankfurt. Its an ideal time to get the real feel of Europe through people watching. The streets are so full of color nowadays that even if it rains, the yellows, oranges and reds predominate. There is no gray while the soccer fever lasts. It started with the Sky Arena, a show where they used the Frankfurt skyline as a huge projection screen. It was simply awesome.. (hmm... think of how this would look in NY, the mind boggles). We had gone across the river early so that we could see the full skyline and were lucky to get a good spot. The pedestrian bridge was full of people on this dark cloudy night and when the music started along with the countdown, cheers went up along with quite a few beer bottles clinking. There were two different themes - the first dealt with different emotions associated with soccer (or life itself) such a ambition, hope, joy, dissappointment, success, desire et al. Each emotion was given a different colour and different scenarios depicting the emotion taken from soccer matches of the past were accompanied with the mood-inducing music. Alongwith the music there was commentary on the particular match with voices rising when there was goal, giving it a real match feel. People were cheering, dancing and sighing along with the show, it was that electric! I was left wondering as I saw the beautiful laser lights go out into the clouds how it would all look from a plane landing at Frankfurt airport that night. The second theme which was more abstract, serious and very beautiful depicted power politics, the economic state of the world, how money influences soccer and more, terrorism, and the need for peace. The faces of children asking for the space to laugh, play and just be free was haunting. And then we slowly made our way down the banks of the lighted river in the company of thousands like us, talking about the show and the chances of various teams playing in the World Cup.

Soon the fans arrived. Full of hope, joy and bursting the city with their collective spirit. Early mornings the train station is full of them with placards around their necks offering exorbitant amounts for tickets, any ticket, any match, while other fans catch on some sleep on the station floor. When I come back late in the evening after a long and tiring day of work, I can feel the tiredness dissappear and my spirits lift in sync with the fans cheering the latest victory with drums, body paint and lusty shouts. Something that struck me as extremely strange is that every car driver honks on the streets when their team wins... so you could be walking down the road and car after car goes by you each honking to the high heavens! It disturbed me in the beginning but now I take it as all being a part of the game... and when I told this to my European friends back in NY, they collectively let out this huge sigh condemning the ignorant me saying that this was the best part of the celebration, and making it clear how jealous they were of me being in Germany at this point of time. I dare not show them how much I am enjoying this mad season, else I will lose all goodwill et al. :)

In the meantime, quiet, business-like Frankfurt is gone and in its place stands a gregarious city, one populated by people of every size and color... Brazilians, British, Africans, Italians, Koreans, Americans, Argentinians, East Europeans...different ethnicities inherent to the city emerge along with the visitors, all a diverse bunch of people ignited by common passion. The city is alive by night (quite in comparison to other weeknights), eating places all open, and sounds of revelry reach even our quiet residential neighbourhood at the outskirts of the city. What I enjoy most nowadays is to stand at the window at night, taking in the cool breeze and listening to those cheerful flavor of sounds, somehow they make me sleep better :) I like this so much better than Heidelberg where the only indication that the WM is on, is that the streets are deserted from afternoons on, everyone is at their local cafe or bar catching the action with friends on a giant screen TV, while we the crazy scientists work through this fever everyday as if nothing is happening. This maybe different in Frankfurt (or any other host city) I feel, the infectiousness of a match being played in the city cannot be ignored so completely!

Its been too busy so far, but one of these days we have to go the Stadion in Frankfurt and just watch the crowds while a match is in progress. It seems to be that although the World Cup gives all kinds of license to people to (mis)behave, and in general be as "ungerman" as possible :), somehow the spirit and passion that goes along with it eclipses all else, its seriously as the German organisers say "a time to make friends".

p.s.Incidentally I have seen so many impromptu conversations (and fights) arise in this past 2 weeks, way more than I have seen in the past 4 months of living here. Its just that I don't seem to be a fan to be included in the passing remark, should dress myself is some colours perhaps... there are these times when Indian participation is sorely missed.

p.p.s. another incidentally, World Cup is called WM (WeltMeisterschaft) in Deutschland a.k.a. Germany, so just as a shortcut I use them interchangeably.

2006-06-01T00:15:00.000+02:00

I have been procrastinating again, nothing new... but just to remind myself I am going to write about these as soon as I am in the frame of mind. In the meantime they remain like short points on a memo. Hopefully being on a public space will make me expand on them, and not just leave them as such!

- Met "Sines", a fellow blogger on Monday. Was a first such meeting (with a blogger, I mean. I do know some bloggers personally but I knew them before they started blogging, this was the first when I met the person through blogging). Felt like a major achievement :) I was apprehensive at first. Why?
a) Just like that.
b) It was a working day, that too a monday and I was scared that I'd forget all about the meeting amidst my experiments (have a history of doing such things)
c) Sometimes the image that you have a person from a blog maybe different from a real-life person, and sometimes you'd rather have the image.
I needn't have worried, it went beautifully! It was so natural as if I was just meeting an old friend after ages. Nothing seemed contrived, put-on or out of place. Lots of gossip was exchanged, along with some very interesting stories. She was as honest, crazy and likeable as she is on her blog. And its adds a new dimension to reading her blog as well, and now I can actually count her as a friend! Sines took a photo too which she will blacken appropriately, I think :) and the gray, rainy Monday that was melted into a special light-hearted 3 hours of blogger bonding if you will.

- Got my iPod back. It was sent to the Apple repair center ever since it started shutting off on its own. They replaced it, and I have the same inscription on the back as in the original, which was a graduation present from my lab. Am really sentimental about it. I just hope this one doesn't have any problems since I have only 3 months warranty on the replacement. But the journey to Heidelberg and back is pure delight now. Am making up for music-deprivation for the last 2 months. Have been listening to the Rang de Basanti soundtrack lately, and listening to it in my ear is something different. Everytime I listen to 'Luka Chhupi' and Rahman joins in the song especially the high notes, the heart agonizes.

- I read "Opal Mehta...", and ended up feeling sorrier than ever for Kaavya. Plagiarising is plagiarising and all that, but going through the book especially the part where she is incoherent and completely hysterical in her interview because she is so desperate to get into Harvard made me think that maybe there is more than fiction here. She even mentions Harvard Crimson, ironical perhaps. And the whole tone of the book is so "Harvard is the only place to be",so much lovesickness for the place, that at the end of it all, especially in retrospect, I really feel sorry for her.

I don't think this is a memo anymore, rather a full-fledged post. That was fast. Seems like my fingers flew over the whole thing before I realised it. Must be the Espresso I had after dinner, along with the fabulous Tartufo. Yummy! This was celebration for the first ATM that was installed in Congo, something which Kaushik had been working on for the past few months. So its all good! Now I hope I get some sleep, have a long day tomorrow...Gute Nacht, Schlaf Gut :)

in/out

2006-05-18T15:34:00.000+02:00

Out of odds with everything. Simple detachment. Trying to feel the passion. That I used to feel. Why do I go to "work" everyday. Does it...Did it ever...count?

Aasman mera, meri zameen, manzil khoyi khoyi...

The world is simply a heartbeat away, waiting for me. I dream of it often, of going out, and (pardon the cliche) making a difference. But truly yes. I do. Except it doesn't seem to work that way. What do I have to show for myself when I am no more... how many lives affected? and what happens in the meantime ... while I am alive? Does it have to be this way...this mundane existence of living each day exactly as the day before and after, and so watch the months and years pass by. Can I not change it, this boring repetitive pattern that I can see emerging and feel helpless to cut. Instead there is the hiding, brooding and feeling sorry about it all. The well-practised escape into the world of fiction where the characters can be whosoever one wants them to be, and one can visit the places, situations and lives that one imagined living. But then I am too young to let go. And therein lies the decision - to give in or to forge for what feels right, mental baggage notwithstanding. Time will tell. Till then, in suspension, I watch myself and my 'professional everyday life' balance faraway thoughts with the immediate necessities of the hour.

And then I read this via km's blog. And once again I find the blogworld amazingly comforting.

ps. aajke shudhu "aabol taabol" porar din :)
in translation : a day to read sukumar ray!

Mangoes, anyone?

2006-05-10T14:20:00.000+02:00

Almost as if they read my mind! Now excuse me while I rush and order some by DHL :)

p.s. Oh and I don't agree about the best mangoes being found in Bombay, though :)

G blues.

2006-05-09T20:58:00.000+02:00

When I was away from K, all I thought was how good it would be to finally live with him. Its been like that, and even better. But what I never thought about was how much I would miss my best friend. I realized how close I was to her and how much she meant only recently, and today is one of those days. When all I want is hot cup of tea, and to pour my useless rubbish in her ear. I am not so sure she would appreciate this reason for missing her but well, friends are mostly not choosers. Its rare that you can get along so well with a fellow worker and a fellow housemate; most times proximity pulls people apart. And inspite of experimental frustrations, fights and tears, I have realized that there is no one else I can turn to when I really need to, no one else apart from K who will never judge me for what I am. I miss those crazy days of working and coming home straight to the sofa and watching Law and Order with her, getting furious about the continuously blaring TV during work, and then getting so used to it that now I find it difficult to concentrate on reading a paper without the TV for company. I miss the long night rides in the "Red Baron" (my red Mitsubishi sports coupe) with her late at night, talking about everything and anything, the way my trips to the mall sucked up all her energy (which only Starbucks Caramel Macchiato could restore), and when we did buy clothes we almost had duplicates of everything causing quite a few people to think of us as an absurd pair. I so miss that tooth and gum smile, and more than anything else I miss the oh so sarcastic comments that had no shade of sentimentality in them ever, and always brought me back to myself with a bang. I really need some of those today. You know I miss you Motu, have fun in Montreal.

2006-04-21T16:49:00.000+02:00

A wonderful sense of laziness today. No work, pure break, so rare. Kids are playing outside in the sun, small girls whispering to each other, small boys falling off their bicycles showing off in particular to this one small girl and I am watching it all from the 3rd floor balcony. In the first floor apartment opposite, an old lady with a young couple sit down to eat and chat and their laughter floats gently into the sunshine. Varied food smells that waft from surrounding houses make my mouth water inspite of the fact that I have no further space in my tummy. In most of the Balkans as well as in Ukraine and Russia, followers of the Greek Orthodox church celebrate their Easter weekend. There is a pervading sense of holiday in the air, yet I know its not actually holiday for me but a brief snatch at time. Its the same feeling that I had when I had to prepare for exams in Mar-Apr, when the weather in Delhi was just perfect and one still managed to get out to play in the long lazy afternoons, staying up late in the night to study. Its as if I am almost expecting that the night sky today will be filled with sounds of revelry from nearby JNU hostels celebrating their hostel nights in such idealic weather, while a lone teenager struggles with numericals in physics. I didn't mind those nights before exams then, and somehow I think I wouldn't mind such nights in Germany that give me that past feeling all over again. Such nights when you can leave the balcony open and dream of a fragrant past ensconsed in a pleasurable present are too rare not to enjoy when you can find them... Just for a while.

2006-04-20T10:31:00.000+02:00

This is so completely random. I was thinking so much of "Rosy is my relative" today... wish I had it with me here. Sometimes I need to read my old favorites :) its a huge urge. Will have to hunt down some Gerald Durrell books now!

In the meantime my German residence permit seems to have been approved which means that I can get out of this country when I feel like it...what freedom! I had a scheduled talk at a meeting at CSHL yesterday which I couldn't go to simply because of this delay in bureaucracy (they really don't seem to have heard of faxes, email or such), and then just on the day of the talk I receive the approval letter from the Ausländeramt, talk about timing or rather the lack of it,...aaaarghh! But at least I will get it and really with that, I am relieved.

p.s. resident visa done, am safe for the next year. Also its our 3rd anniversary on the 21st i.e. tomorrow, and a card has already arrived from my favorite cousin. It somehow always matters that people remember or is it that because they remember, it matters... whatever it is the card made my day :) So little to make one happy.

2006-04-18T23:07:00.000+02:00

Belated Shubho Noboborsho greetings. It was a long Easter weekend here and we are spoilt at the end of it. Its so hard getting back to a work schedule... but another weekend is fast approaching. I wish all weekends were 4 day affairs :) Meanwhile, the weather is absolutely gorgeous, spring has been here for almost a fortnight - fresh buds on trees, fresh green undergrowth carpeting the ground, birdsong every morning and nights that are made for after-dinner walks. Reminds me of mild winter evenings in Delhi when our small family used to have an early dinner, Baba would then take his torch, lock the house with this huge key and we would all step out into the fresh air for a night walk. We would meet all known faces, uncles, aunties and fellow playmates also out for a stroll, and the entire venture would turn out to be one more social gathering. I would never want the walks to end and would keep pleading Baba to take the long route home, but of course with parents being tired after their long day we would be back home all too soon. Its different here, though the walks can go on there are no familiar faces on the way. Most streets are deserted in anticipation of an early morning start, but this we find adds to their charm. K and I hum our old favorites as we meander around the dark cobbled streets, find a new bike path and discover yet another potential shortcut to the main station. This is the best part of the day for us and with summer just around the corner, daylight may soon accompany us on these night time sojourns. Methinks we need a holiday soon!

2006-03-30T11:33:00.000+02:00

This computer only communicates in German. So the choice is between "Ansicht" (View) and "Loschen" (Delete) while starting to write. Slowly more and more words are making sense. Out of random conversations I can pick up stray words that I do understand and piece together what people might be talking about. I maybe so wrong but imagination is a good thing :) And then I do understand which station my train is coming in and from where I can get the connecting one. In Heidelberg, the man at the croissant shop knows me, and gives me what I want unasked each morning, it makes me feel good. Such small things make a big difference...especially for me. I don't get up all fresh and chirpy at 6 in the morning, I would rather work till 4 at night and it takes me a quite a bit of convincing to feel anything to be worth this early morning torture, and the croissant man's smile does it for me.

Have a very hi-fi cell phone right now. The buttons are still a mystery. I positively did not ask the cell phone to talk to me in German... but at frequent intervals it can. It has powers, I tell you, that I can't control... yet. In K's hand it is another matter. It melts with glee, and shows off more everyday, especially at 3 in the night. K is full with glee too, and it is an ongoing love affair that I can only grind my teeth and watch. I plot the best moment for it to land in the flowerbeds 3 floors below. My attempts have come to naught so far, but soon, very soon. In the meantime I am somewhat thawed by this picture, through its eyes and low resolution capacity, it is by far the most flattering picture of me that I have seen in recent times. Maybe I should reconsider, life as it is, of a cellphone or otherwise is after all ephemereal... why deny it some selfless pleasure... nah, that would be too cruel... and so the hand that holds the orange Sony Ericsson thingie relaxes a bit, the mistress can stay some more.

The other side of the fence

2006-03-22T16:21:00.000+01:00

No scientist who has to do animal research will say its pleasant, or that they enjoy it. But where else will the medicines come from? England is notorius for animal rights activism and I do agree about accountability and the no-wastage policy, but somehow extremist activism just does not appeal to me. This comes from the other side...

2006-03-20T22:04:00.000+01:00

This commuting thing is insane. Comfortable actually but insane. This routine is making me a zombie, only thing on my mind all the time is Sleep. I get up in the morning thinking when I will get to sleep again, not good... at all!

2006-03-08T15:41:00.000+01:00

Such a depressing day, its pouring a "wintry mix" from the sky.
Perfect day for lying curled up with a book/ blog reading. Am onboard Uma's Carnival of Feminists now.
I have nothing to write.
This was such a short break.
I will have kartoffel soup now.
And go back to reading.

p.s. finished reading Philip Pullman's Dark Materials trilogy at last, Marvelous!
p.p.s. also finished "Mystery of the hidden house- a five find-outers mystery" by Enid Blyton, heh!

Blank Noise Project Blog-a-thon

2006-03-07T01:02:00.000+01:00

Many years ago, since I certainly want to forget, there were incidents that dictated how I behaved in a public space, almost as if every part of me was alive to attack. It was not concious but subconcious and even now every trip back on a Bombay train, a Delhi bus or a walk on the streets of India brings on that subconcious prickling. The Blank Noise Project addresses the secrets that almost every woman I know of has faced, and in some cases the men I know have faced them too. A commendable effort with pieces by people that silence my own experiences into nothing though they still live on my mind. There have been many times with the incidents replayed and a very angry boyfriend at the end of it, but when that moment ends all that is left is the feeling of nausea, wishing it would all come out in puke, bitter though it maybe. But the throat remains clogged, the fist clenched, and the anger spills with even more distrust. This is the reality being addressed in an effort by the Blog-a-thon organised by people at the Blank Noise Project. And in silence I read the many voices that speak of similar experiences, and much more besides. In some ways for all these voices, Thank You.

Long P.S. Stunning experiences down in writing -
:Annie at the Known Turf - (what does one say after reading this)
:Megha's short story - (well, it happened to me, not an IIT guy but a brother of an aquaintance, and I was 11).
:Roshan Paul's perspective - (experience 1- faced it and even now have nightmares about it; experience 2 - chilling to say the least)
:Neha's point at Within/Without as well as Shoefiend's experiences - "It is silence that binds us", so very true, and that is why acknowledging the problem and facing up to it is at least the first step, along with actually voicing out the truth about what happens to women on the streets of the world. It is not simply India, though the frequency with which it is faced is tremendously scary, it also happens in other cities, other countries (there would be no Law and Order-SVU otherwise). And the question still remains, Why? But, Why?
I happened to relive all the memories last night, and today morning passed in a blur. I had to write, and face the nightmares again. I still don't know how helpful it will be, but I had to do it. It had to come out. Like all others who have faced the past all their lives.

A quiet evening at home

2006-02-28T12:36:00.000+01:00

I am in the mood for photoblogging, these were taken yesterday. Also, m's comment reminds me to transfer the few photos taken in India to my computer from K's. A relaxed evening after a long while, peaceful and quiet.

Our apartment, As you enter-

Our living space- the usual perch, where we eat, a corner to read.

The bedroom and the kitchen -

And finally... K reading Harry Potter at last.... a sight to be captured in memory :))

Back

2006-02-27T15:11:00.000+01:00

As S's car sped along the deserted 5am roads of Bombay, the chaiwallahs were already busy with their early morning customers. K begged to stop for one hot cuppa, and clutching it sang praises of all the roadside stalls that he had visited in his years in the city. This was a short break on the way from Kolkata to Germany. Luckily we were allowed to come out for just a short while in Bombay, and S duly obliged with a night ride. There is nothing like Bombay in this whole wide world. If there is one city I had to chose to live in, it would be Bombay. But sometimes choices are not what life can give but then there are vacations, and the nightrides with friends that spell family. Back through immigration and security, in the lounge and inside the plane, when it hovered over the lights of Bombay, the Queens' necklace clearly visible, it was a silent good bye, and a no-dreams flight straight into Frankfurt. A pretty empty airline with a whole row to stretch out in, comfortable yet numb. And finally walking into a colorless airport which felt sterile clean and cold. Missed something, yet could use the bathroom without checking. Such is life.

Taaza khabar

2006-01-13T02:04:00.000+01:00

I am off to Athens in less than 12 hours for the weekend! ... last minute decision, just got tickets today, thrilled to bits and jumping up and down in excitement ... K has some training and I will be happy to explore. Taking my umbrella, walking shoes and will endeavour to capture the city in wide-eyed awe. Woo hoo, will blog about it soon :)

So far, in between

2006-01-12T15:56:00.000+01:00

I have been procrastinating such a lot that its been life like that for quite a while. Its the longest time away from my blog and it will be even longer when I go to India to visit parents and family this month. I am quite looking forward to going after ages, its been almost 2 years since the last trip..which to me is ages!

The house is almost complete, I will post some pictures soon. In the crazy schedule I am in, very little apart from going to the shops, cleaning, installing the furniture and random dinners, are conciously done. I am so ready to start work as soon as I come back. Lots of new experiences happened and I already like Frankfurt quite a bit. Its small, very manageable, not overwhelming at all inspite of its financial label, and the people are quick to smile. As an aside, the only people who do not smile back are the South Asians, and I really wonder why. I was in this shop the other day waiting in line for something, and there was this couple right behind me talking in Hindi, and I just turned back and smiled at them (didn't mean to start a conversation or anything unless they did), and in return got a huge stare back starting from the tip of my toes to the top of my head with the feeling in their eyes that said, who do you think you are..just because you maybe another Indian you expect us to smile...well, why not? Its a weird feeling that's been repeated so many times with the South Asian faces, and now I don't even bother. But with the Bangladeshis its different, they don't smile either but if you start to speak Bangla, they melt. Its a conversation from there..how long are you in Frankfurt, have you liked it so far, their experiences and so on, but somehow nothing is imposed on you after the conversation which is a nice thing. Sometimes conversations do tend to go to areas you would rather not reveal, but so far that hasn't happened, and I do like speaking Bangla since I never get to speak it at home, or anywhere else except with my parents.

I feel too lazy to actually write about Frankfurt right now, there are numerous observations stored, and it will be another post soon. In the meantime, I am reading in bits and pieces and today I re-read some Ogden Nash who is undoubtedly a master poet. Here is one of his -

There is an emotion to which we are most of us adduced,
But it is one I refuse to boost,
It is harrowing, browbeating, and brutal,
Besides which it is futile.
I am referring, of course,
To remorse.
Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind,
But is very difficult to treat because it cannot even be defined,
Because everything is not gold that glisters and everything is not a tear that glistens,
And one man's remorse is another man's reminiscence,
So the truth is that as far as improving the world is concerned, remorse is a duffer,
Because the wrong people suffer,
Because the very fact that they suffer from remorse proves they are innocuous,
Yes indeed, it is the man remorse passes over completely who is the virulent streptococcuous.
Do you think when Nero threw a martyr to the lions remorse enveloped him like an affinity?
Why, the only remorse in the whole Colosseum was felt by the martyr who was reproaching himself for having dozed through the sermon on the second Sunday after Trinity.
So I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it,
And I think the Kremlin ought to work out some plan for taking it away from those who have it to those who need it.

From "A clean conscience never relaxes" by Ogden Nash.

New year greetings

2005-12-31T16:41:00.000+01:00

Gutes Neues Jahr!

Happy New Year to everybody!
I am having too much fun and there is too much apfelwine on the table :)

In the Mind

2005-12-29T12:50:00.000+01:00

And now it hits me. I am not in a happy cloud no more. Not that there was a fight or a dramatic altercation but just seeing off a friend back to NY triggered it. And I look around with unseeing eyes, realizing that I don't understand a word of what is being spoken around me... and I want to go home. But then this is home too, the loved one's abode, the one we or rather Ikea built together. But the bathroom doesn't look into the backwoods of nowhere anymore. Rather confused, very disoriented, and extremely nostalgic am I. Its the repercussion of a loss of feeling for the past 3 weeks, and its come in a torrent of emotional outburst.

Till now every change has been just when needed. Exciting and bursting with promise. This one change was needed for the longest time, took enough time for fruition, yet is a shock. Very unexpected turn of events but not when I think about it. Its been 6 years at a place, where a self did everything. The renting, the bills, teaching undergrads, self-study, making friends, having parties and night-outs, realizing the meaning of research, carrying on inspite of dissapointing results, personal and professional setbacks notwithstanding, the shoulders were set and proud. The independence heady and undistilled. To know that is to believe. And once the challenge faced is over with, its on with the new. But set in a life with the friends to match, its hard to start from scratch all over again. Maybe its called aging :) maybe its called not starting work soon enough, or maybe its not giving enough time, or maybe the challenge is not faced yet. Whatever it is... today is for nostalgia. Finally being able to feel what all I left back in NY, what I will miss, and how much the 6 years contributed to the 'me'.

Somehow feelings are always pushed back whenever there is change, there is too much to be done. Transitions from school to college (so welcome, even the treks from JNU to North campus were worth it, the first freedom of being allowed out late in the night), college to masters in Bombay (fell in love with the city, living away from home the first time, meeting K, my secret dream of going to classes in chappals, nbdu evenings, Powai lake at sunset), and then the jump to USA. First night in a dorm room without light, orientation, registration, the typical PhD student start, all in the hope that K will come soon. And then, the first glimpse of NYCity coming out of Penn Station and gasping in awe, the country bumpkin me with a crick in the neck at the end of the day, exotic tastes on the tongue, and a sense of the world contained in a city. Head turning exhiliration, and the promise to myself that I will enjoy this city till the day I have to leave. And I did, so I should have no regrets, then why? No amount of analyzing works. Just wish I could spend another weekend summer night at the Union Square again. Lots of things happened - K's visa issues, marriage in between, PhD troubles, the end of troubles and beginning of results, great times with Graz, the trips back and forth Europe meeting K, the Frankfurt decision, and through it all, a solid home in Cold Spring Harbor. All troubles dissapeared as soon as one came in through the door, my old-attic style rooms, sloping roofs et al, the charm of 200 years within the walls, with friendly ghosts and graveyard stones. White-washed walls with carved wood details, knobbly posts and just heart-wringing warmth. The companions within (Graz,HH,YW,LT) in harmony, loads of fun, enthusiastic and not-so enthusiastic dinners, the omni-welcoming couch and TV, the hamster on its wheel, and nonsensical yet so-satisfying conversations.. and in the meantime, research in one of the friendliest yet competitive places ever, with a support and facilities system that keeps it thriving the way it does. Familiar faces that greet every morning, the warmness of knowing you belong(ed) there and hence the familiarity, the routine jobs and the new experiments, urges of discussing data with people you know, relevance of their suggestions without the motive of showing up smart. All these building of relationships take time, each one is precious and its hard to say goodbye. But faces change, they come and go - the students and the post-docs, and in a few years there will be less and less people known in that familiar place as well. Its good to move on. Change pushes you to move on.

Beyond the past is the future, and the 'now'. So what can be made of it... learning the language, already I can feel the smiles on the streets, searching for the best food markets, getting a train pass and a schedule for work, cleaning this mess of a house filled with what seems to be only my clothes and shoes, finishing that last paper, and getting ready to welcome the new developments in this life with open arms and a wide smile... yes, I guess its time.

first sad news of Christmas

2005-12-29T11:30:00.000+01:00

Seems like the natural calamities never cease... and some news are never reported in the NY times. This link (from Dweep who is in Kenya) alerted to the latest calamity in Africa. Sometimes the places we are in are worlds apart, and it seems like one half never remembers how the other half lives. Even when in a world with aeroplanes, some places are unreachable. And in the world with more income per person but less and less curiosity, they seem destined to remain that way. Should I hope for change?

And more sad news on farmer suicides, this time from India, via The Hindu.

Merry Christmas!

2005-12-25T02:15:00.000+01:00

From Frankfurt. My 4th day in the city, its starting to feel like home :)

The day was leisurely, with friends- some passing through Flughafen, others newly married celebrating with good veggie food, and laughter. For the first time I went to an Evangelist church for the midnight mass and really enjoyed the experience. It felt like a home-made church service (somewhat like a barir pujo), few people, seating on wooden chairs, lots of smiles and kisses on the cheek. Candles being given, along with a copy of the hymns in German. A huge Christmas tree decorated with wooden ornaments, a beautiful Nativity scene carved out of fresh wood, lending a simplicity to the soaring ceilings and width of the church. No pews, no ornamentation, families coming together to pray for peace in the world. That is how it went in my head and heart, and that is how I conducted my service. Listening to the words spoken in German I imagined them saying what I felt, looking through the hymns in the book I sang along with huge joy, and holding K's hand through it all I just spent my best midnight mass ever. There have been grander services attended in bigger and more historic churches but this was different, this was new, and allowed a simplicity that is the real spirit of Christmas. Each candle was lit by people passing around the light in the Church, with a smiling "Danke Schön". As we walked out with our lighted candle, the organ playing in the background, that is what I said silently in my heart "Thank You". To everybody else "Merry Christmas"! with wishes for peace and joy in the coming year.

ps. Somehow, I always think of "Bare Necessities" from Jungle Book as my Christmas song.... Cheers ears!

A new Start

2005-12-22T01:14:00.000+01:00

Starting a new life... :) after 2year and 8months of marriage, and 8 years of being together, we are officially living in the same house! Celebrated by having great Hungarian white wine (it was excellent - slightly like Gewurtzaminer), Ukranian Honey Pepper Vodka (Nemiroff's), and home-made Limoncello from Turin, I really feel at home :))) So good to be with Kaushik again. I am slightly drowsy after all the food, drinking and jet lag, here's to 21st Dec forever. Off to sleep now, with grand plans of going to the Chriskindlmarkt tomorrow. Very very happy, Ich liebe jeden and Gute Nacht :)

Status

2005-12-20T06:56:00.000+01:00

Will leave the house in exactly 16 hours, am very very stressed, still haven't finished packing but managed to see 'Brokeback Mountain' - very sad, stays with you, and gives vast glimpses of beautiful Wyoming landscapes. Each frame is a picture, everlasting, and makes you yearn for something deep inside. And most importantly it flows with lovely acting. Made me sadder than ever though, since only now I am beginning to feel emotional about leaving (maybe forever). Thankful to be so busy, would be bawling by now, otherwise.

My waking world for now ...

2005-12-17T17:37:00.000+01:00

blazes one word - PACKING!!! Thats all I do, get up and pack, eat and pack, do experiments and pack, in sleep I dream about what goes in which suitcase, someone help me. Its definitely not fun to move.

- Books sent - almost! (am finding more and more precious ones, that I think should not be entrusted to the cruel postal world that may engulf them)
- Bags- weigh a ton (all those books, aaaaaaaaargh!)
- Clothes - I never knew I had so many (so why do I wear those old pair of jeans and that sweatshirt forever?)
- Paintings in frames - have to be left behind (heart-breaking)
and why do I love Japanese pottery so much (I can't leave that behind...please please don't break)
- I seem to have my biotech notes from long ago too ... that was my handwriting? pages and pages full of it, all in ink pen, I remember the Sheaffer's..Oh I still have it! Yay!
- And my BSc certificate dwarfing the rest! Was it the hardest? :)

As I pack, I am assaulted by so many memories, oh that sweater I got in my first year in Macy's at 48 cents (yes I did!, it was a major first yr grad student achievement, was a nice one too), those emails that I printed out from K - we've come such a long way!, that picture from my first place in the US (we called it the UN - all different countries), my car title (Yay, found it!), my old learner's permit (ah, those first few steps), all the cassettes I got when I came (they were the treasures I bought when I was in Powai going across the city to buy them), the first Broadway musical ticket, pictures of my first trip in the US (to annie's LA), wedding gifts from the class reunion just before I left for India, my first Neuroscience abstract book....

.... each an ocean of memories. I am scratching the back of the phone card and there are so many numbers, I need them all to be complete, to make that call, the call home. and I realise that the numbers are there, in me, its the memories, and they make me their home. And I can carry them wherever I want without a suitcase.

But for now, maybe this suitcase is too small to fit that last book in!

The world of Narnia

2005-12-14T07:47:00.000+01:00

Watched 'The lion, the witch and the wardrobe' and I liked it...not as much as the book but quite close. From the time it opened or even before, there were huge outcries about the Christian allegories and how churches in America are giving free tickets to families to go and see the movie, and all this had put me off seeing the screen adaptation till I realised that I simply didn't care! When I first read the book, I didn't have a thing on my mind except the joy of reading a wonderful adventure-filled series crafted with imagination and detail about the beautiful, magical land of Narnia. Baba had first got 'Prince Caspian' from Powell's during a trip to Chicago, and from then on I was hooked. I completed the series as and when I found another one, and so it was a fairly spread-out reading experience that "blind-bat" me never associated with religion. And that is why inspite of the blatant symbolism in the movie such as Aslan giving his life for Edmund's betrayal, the cracked stone table, Aslan's resurrection, I remained quite untouched by it all and could focus on the magical story taking life in front of my eyes. The movie is a beautiful adaptation of the book. The greatest triumph is Aslan, he is what I imagined and more. As a child, my favorite wish was to ride on Aslan's back, and the movie made me itch to do so. He is magnificient, golden and deep, with fur you ache to touch, filling the screen with his power. I loved the fawn, and the beavers too... palpalable in their excitement for change in Narnia. Tilda Swinton as the Witch is perfect - so icy cold, you shiver. Battle scenes are replete with talking beasts, red and gold flags, glittering armour, and the beautiful centaur! Replaying in my mind are scenes from the movie - the war in London, all those children on the platform, the huge old house and the professor (very well-played by Jim Broadbent), the children (sullen Edmund, the too-practical Susan, too-responsible Peter, and small Lucy), the huge and beautiful wardrobe, fur coats giving way to snow-laden branches, the lamp-post, shy Mr.Tumnus who invites Lucy to tea and plays the lullaby of Narnia, the witch in her carriage, Edmund greedily chomping Turkish delight, the Beaver's house, the Witch's icy castle with its eerie courtyard of statues, flight to Cair Parvel, getting gifts for the battle on the way, Narnia budding beautiful greeny from all-whitey, the Talking trees, the Talking beasts, and Aslan. His sacrifice, the Witch, Peter and Centaur in battle, the beautiful Phoenix, Aslan's resurrection, and the glorious ride across Narnia on his back... into battle. The coronation, reigning in beautiful Cair Parvel, and then Narnian years later back to England.

Whew, a beautiful ride, waiting for more, please.

And next I Want to watch/Need to watch - King Kong, and Brokeback Mountain!

Gold and Dumplings

2005-12-11T20:04:00.000+01:00

A wonderful girls day out yesterday - Sandy, Helen, me and Graz. I have a huge crick on the neck meaning that I can't turn my head to the left, so no driving for me... Helen drove us, first to Flushing where super-hungry us ate some lovely pork dumplings, house-special Congee (has shrimp,ginger,scallions,fried dough), and noodle soup with shrimp and watercress dumplings. Yumm... Feel hungry again! I am seriously hoping that there is some small corner of Frankfurt which has authentic chinese food, otherwise I will feel so deprived (Note: Not the german-made so-called authentic chinese, now that is scary)!

We then took subway7 to Jackson Heights where Sandy, enamored by all the gold-laden windows, wanted a tiny part of it on her wrist. A lot of bargaining (in Bangla by me, am proud of myself!) yielded a lovely intricately-worked gold bracelet at a price that made Sandy happy and high on gold for the day. Helen then wanted some fabric and we got some lovely material for curtains and a scarf, and some cushion covers as Christmas gifts. Bought some hindi movie DVDs for myself (part of plan to torture K), and then we were all hungry! Oh and in the meantime, had 'mishti paan' and were walking about with our mouths full. Peered into some more gold shops to find a pendant for Helen but soon gave up, and went into Roti-Boti to get some amazing Seekh-kebab, Shami-kebab and Naan. Since we had to take it back home to share for dinner we decided not to carry the goat curry for fear of spills, which was such a pity. Got the sweets from Alauddin sweets - they make the best 'kaalojaam' and 'roshogolla' nearest Long Island. After which the satisfied us went back to Flushing, to eat scrumptious pork buns, buy tons of TenRen tea at Hong-Kong supermarket (fears of being deprived!), and succumbed to some lovely Japanese Kafuh-made cups.

Got home, put our feet up and consumed the delicious food all the while conversing about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and Dr.Atkins, the matrix and the white rabbit, great stuff! I always seem to be a little out-of-date when people talk of the world, and all the things they know. So mostly quiet and very contented, I learnt some more. Wished K an enjoyable stay in Siberia (thats where he will be, all of next week), and then smiling, went on my way to sleep :)

String theory at noon

2005-12-07T22:49:00.000+01:00

Revisited Physics today. And realised how badly this subject was taught in school. Lost in meaning, just pure equations didn't convey any beauty nor the actual 'physical' implications thereby undermining the grandeur of thought that went into establishing them. All we did learn was where to use what equation, and the constant nagging of knowing it well so that 'beta, you can get into IIT'. And since engineering was never the goal, Physics was mostly hated. Till Stephen Hawking's book, and Feynman's lecture series when I realized how much I had missed, and more than that how much my teachers at school didn't know...because if they did they couldn't have remained immune to its beauty or failed to impart its true meaning to their students... and its a shame. Today was such an eye-opener. It was a lecture on string theory, but it started from the basics - from an atom, to the kinds of forces, gradually building towards how string theory came about, to the present questions in the field. I don't care how much I understood - for all the while I was in school-mode this time, I actually felt the subject! Very very uplifting, and completely made my day!

Home-made Christmas tree

2005-12-05T06:12:00.000+01:00

My first waking moment today was looking out of my bedroom window to see a beautiful white wonderland. Snow clung to the pine branches, and they nudged my window sill as if to chuckle at this lazy being sleeping so late into a Sunday morning.

Another great weekend, centered around home, hearth, and friends! Its being increasingly brought home to me that I will be leaving soon and will miss terribly this beautiful house and the family I live with. Something the Bonn house family loves to do each year is to make ornaments for our Christmas tree - the Bonn house Christmas tree. The first year was an awkward mix of Ikea-bought and "us-made" decorations but over the past three years in our child-like enthusiasm for "us-made" ornaments we have made our tree an exclusive showpiece of Bonn house family artistry. Well we think its artistry anyways :)). But more than anything else, its a reason to spend an evening all together, sprawled on the living room carpet with expressions of intense concentration, wielding mostly clumsy but sometimes surprisingly dexterous fingers, sighing with satisfaction when a shape comes right or just laughing gleefully at the mess, trying to guess each other's creations, eating chocolate cookies and breathing in heart-warming fun! And after we sculpt the shapes - mythical and otherwise :), we bake them till they are translucent solids in our aging oven which cheerfully misinforms the temperature. After years of practice we hoped this year to make it exactly right and we nearly got there, at least our fantastical 'Fimo' figures were not uniformly brown!

My Bonn house family!

Working and taking a break :)

The men who were paying more attention to the Hulk!

Towards a grand plan!

We then put up our pre-lit tree and had fun sorting through the hopelessly entangled last years' decorations and the freshly made new ones. It was so much fun, and by coincidence we had this TV channel with Christmas songs playing in the background while we were happily pottering about putting our handicrafts on our very friendly little Christmas tree transforming her (yes, its her :)), into the homey, glowing, warm Bonn-house delight who fills us with such joy each year.

Decorating our Christmas tree!

Jest-waltzing through!

Witching through the flower moon ;)

Nightmare before Christmas?

The snowman and his gift.

Only a superwoman can put up a superstar!

Happy Jolly us!

Dreamy... and Wishing...

Starry-eyed

2005-12-01T05:57:00.000+01:00

This week has been a movie week. Usually I don't see many movies in the theater due to pure lethargy, but to finish off the Loews discount coupons by November (which as usual I left to the last moment), it was a mad rush to see as many as I could this week.

First was "Pride and Prejudice". This was supposed to be a chick-flick for 3 of us housemates- H, Graz and me. But then it so turned out that H's boyfriend wanted to see Keira Knightley, and so a deal was made - he would not snigger or comment on any supremely chick moments. If he did we would get a bottle of Cointreau but if he refrained from any comments he would earn a full dish of Graz's pasta alla carbonara. While and after watching the movie however we all agreed that we needed both the pasta and Cointreau, and so maybe this weekend we are going to eat and drink ourselves silly! None of us liked the movie overall. It was too stretched out, and I wish they had spent more time with characters and conversations than with showing off the English countryside. The highlights of the book are the exchanges between characters in different situations and this allows you to know them, but the movie offers no such insights. I did like most of the peripheral cast, and also Mr.Darcy, but just couldn't abide the characterisation of Elizabeth. Knightley didn't convey much of the uniqueness that makes Austen's Elizabeth stand out, but instead managed to make her appear shallow, wearing the 3 principal expressions of a pout, a cheeky grin, or a hysterical giggle. And the last scene was downright hysterical, how could they do that? I read Buchu's review and thought it couldn't be that bad but it was! Sometimes I wish they would leave Elizabeth and Darcy to imagination alone, but then I did like the BBC production of "Pride and Prejudice", (digression :)) which was watched late one night during a stayover in Annie's house along with Sumi during our college days. Since Annie was in a different college than me, and Sumi in a med school down south, it was one of our rare times being together again since the school days, and it was memorable! (and now I am nostalgic...I do want another reunion with schoolfriends!)

And tonight we watched "Walk the line" and "Goodnight, and good luck". I liked the first, but the second is one of the best American movies I have seen for a long time. First, Walk the line. It was good. Again I found it dragged a little (I think I better see a hindi movie soon, seems like I have little patience nowadays). I do like country music, and I liked the fact that the movie covered many of Cash's songs. The start sequence from Folsom prison was intriguing. Then the movie went on to when he was 12, already a fan of June Carter, had a caring older brother, and a father with problems. Music was handed through his mother and stayed in his blood through the war, marriage, his stint as a traveling salesman until one day he auditioned along with his friends for a record company and it all came out...The music and the problems. But through it all, his obsession with June Carter was steady, slowly maturing into something strong and enduring - loyal friendship and eventually love. I really like the way Reese Witherspoon plays June Carter. I always loved Carter's voice but never gave it a character and this Reese-June fit in very well. Strong, no-nonsense and a beautiful character, she brings out the best in Johnny Cash and gives him new life, literally and musically. Cash's depiction was okay, I liked his 'man in black' but he looked drugged whether he actually was or not and I found tiresome the way they stretched his drug problem for so long. But all in all, a good immersion into the country music scene of the 50s & 60s and into the life and love of one its biggest stars.

About "Goodnight, and goodluck", I don't know how to start, except to say that I felt in the company of breathtaking journalistic integrity and courage for 90 minutes. The era is Black, White, and McCarthy. The movie is a tribute to CBS broadcaster Edward Murrow. The interviews are live, the honesty is sparkling, and the screenplay searing. The words come straight and true, holding so much significance in them, that I want to remember each one by heart. It made me soar above the dreary reality though the movie had plenty, because what it also had was Idealism. I never really thought so much about the lives McCarthy destroyed and how communism was such a big threat here and elsewhere, but this movie conveys that and much more. Its the same issues that come back over and over again, the same Fear and thats why the responsbility that the movie depicts means so much. Really, if inanimate wires and circuit can't educate and teach people more than they know, and help in the future of the country, then whats the use of TV journalism? I loved the details- the countdown when Clooney touches Murrow to start his program, the interspersed ads that get the money for CBS, the process of actually filming the program, the scotch, everything! And the Dianne Reeve songs just fit, exactly appropriate. I actually don't want to say anything about the movie itself because I feel the layers are endless and that everybody should see and feel it for themselves. I got transported into a place and company which was inspiring, humbling and real, and I just wish everyone gets there too.

Can you tell I am going to Germany :))

2005-11-29T08:53:00.000+01:00

The national obsession...

PLEASE please please, DO SEE THIS

and off to Frankfurt I'll go!

2005-11-29T00:16:00.000+01:00

Got My Visa!!! Yahooooooooooo!!! Yay, Yay, and more Yay!!! Will really live with the husband now...
" BIG Smile" !

No more of that awesome freedom, no more long drives at night alone, and no more reading a book without an attention craving brat peering over my shoulder, and I am still smiling.... crazy or what? :)) Ok, Ok I Am Kidding (maybe, ;)). Time to really be married, Sigh!

I love long weekends

2005-11-28T05:15:00.000+01:00

Such a laaaazy weekend! Was a shameless couch potato throughout except when glimpses of a lovely sky through the living room window drew me out to the freezing patio outside... this is what it looked like. Beautiful isn't it?

Days come by
The narrow bridge of time
Fades slowly
Takes with it words
That were commonly spoken
Yesterday.

These yesterdays
They mean much
Yet another birthday
Of the chosen loved one.

A heaven of truth
Coeval of trust
For a couple of months
A day for longing
To be with you.

A special day for me
My love turned a
year older
And added a year to
being together
The concept "us"

There is a lot
That has been redefined
In the years
I wanted to make it
Your day love.

I wanted to deliver
I owe it to life
A kiss every hour
A hug every 10 minutes.

I miss you
I wish you return
Soon enough
to Celebrate.

-- from K to B.

2005-11-25T10:06:00.000+01:00

And since I am awake at these unearthly hours reading blogs and putting up mine, I notice the TV space crowded by paid ads. There's one thing that I always find puzzling about them - why do these people who want to convince me to buy their "awesomest out-of-the-world" powertool have to scream so much?? And talk at Breakneck speed? You are on TV for God's sake, not in the middle of NY city trying to get some construction worker's attention!!! OK, time to shut off the TV and go to sleep :)

6am...Charge!

2005-11-25T07:37:00.000+01:00

It Was Thanksgiving. And now with bellies full, and family fights under the belt, its time to shop! Shops all across the US will wake up at 6am or earlier, ready with coffee and bagels, distributing lists of things that the crowds waiting outside MUST buy. A look into the crowd reveals normal faces, a couple or a family with mum and dad and 3 kids and also the grandmom or granddad (left the dog at home), or just the father and son combo and so on. Once the doors open, it will be a different story - the human faces disappear, and instead appear encounters of the worst capitalistic kind... a man with a glazed look in his eyes wheeling a huge shopping cart with 5 DVD players (but they were only $15!), 3 cameras, 4 mp3 players... the hunt is on!! Its like the ultimate horror show - this cascade of humans that attack shops at unearthly hours of the morning groping around for things they don't need, physically harming others of the same species should they (watch out!) ever get in the way! We know that there are many faces of America. And to me, this is the one of the frightening ones.... chockful of irony! Just the day after the country celebrates its biggest festival to honor family and traditions, the buying frenzy begins. Isn't it disturbing that instead of spending the next day lazing around with their family, they chose to waste it in frivolous capitalistic propaganda? Or is it that they are afraid that if they do spend the extra time, they might not be on talking terms with most of the clan for the next 2 years? Whatever it is, at the end of it all, its just sad... Sad that the newest X-Box is going to earn much higher brownie points with your kids than if you spent that long weekend just Beeeiing with them. And at this point, nothing brings on a smirk like that Citibank Ad (who else can inform us of what money cannot buy)... the irony and the aptness.

the Pedal Boat expedition

2005-11-21T22:43:00.000+01:00

Very Very impressive

2005-11-21T20:56:00.000+01:00

A week begins, albeit a short one. Its also the time for the annual Inhouse, where all the lab heads give talks telling people what kind of research is being done, and basically is a forum to attract graduate students as well as a summary of interesting past research and future directions. Due to expanding number of researchers at CSHL, they now vary the speakers, and this time they also included Jim Watson as one of them. And the attendance was big, 'cos its always expected to be an entertaining talk. He talked about some rules - of a graduate student, postdoc, when you start a lab and so on. Didn't agree with a lot of points, though some made sense. Also liked some of the political incorrectness, not all.... :)

One of the things he said is something that I find so true, yet people outside of science don't seem to realise ever so often, is that Science is such a social subject. If you don't want to communicate to other scientists or to other people discussing what you do, its just hard to do the work. A lot of people seem to have the impression that scientists are in their own world, isolated and socially inept, but in the current day world, it doesn't seem to hold true. Most people do this out of love for what they do, and they love to speak out. There are several cases when the ones who don't like being with people or think that its impossible to explain what they do to the general public, can't stay in it for too long. Because at the end of it all, we use public money to do what we love and we owe it to everybody to share that excitement and the advances, and build a social support to carry on doing research.

Other random things - work for yourself and not for your advisor, choose a advisor not above 35 :), and don't restrict study to just the thesis, go beyond it... oh and also, don't be the smartest person in a room..that way you don't learn anything.

The rest of the talks are terribly serious and to the point. Change of pace.... and so much to cover.

a November night

2005-11-21T06:58:00.000+01:00

Am home after a long time. And am staying put for the next 4 weeks! Uuuuufff, really really tired with all the wanderings - first it was Neuroscience (was at Washington DC this year), and then an interview at McGill, Montreal. Have been away for the last 10 days and so happy to put up my feet once more, did I mention that already? :)

Beautiful night, clear sky, fresh air and cold cheeks... the sky is black and lit with jewels, Mercury shining with its peculiar orange glow, and I am happy.

One more year gone, and a beautiful year to come. Phone calls and wishes, Shubho Jonmodin.

The last 3 days

2005-11-07T05:41:00.000+01:00

Have been some of the most beautiful days in my life. I will elaborate in the next few posts because right now I am soooooooooooooo tired!!! Just need to sleep! I was at the NY marathon today cheering for friends, and I will post the pictures soon. It was in one word - Inspiring! One day, Kaushik and I will do it. One more to the list of to do things in my life :)

And Happy Hallowe'en

2005-10-31T23:13:00.000+01:00

Its been one of the traditions of Cold Spring Harbor Lab ever since I have been here - Marco's party for Hallowe'en. Everyone has to come dressed up in full regalia, and dance through the night. It brings out the shyest scientists in the lab in spirits you wouldn't believe, and they spend days planning what to wear and how to go about it. Friday evening was full of sly giggles, and last minute rushes to the thrift store or 'party city' and in the night, unrecognisable monsters and such shine forth .... ooh la la, its such good fun, and I have enjoyed it so much through my grad student days here. This was the last party since grad students eventually do graduate :) I already have, and Marco supposedly soon will.. so just this - thanks Marco for making this day when we forget who we are, and just descend into something we never want to meet again, especially at night! HAPPY HALLOWE'EN!!!

I have been dying to put these pictures up, after the party that we had on Friday....evil grin :).
To all of you, who dared to be different, Hurrah :)))

Happy Diwali

2005-10-31T22:43:00.001+01:00

To my family, friends, and all those who may or may not read this blog...HAPPY DIWALI !!!

History once more

2005-10-31T02:44:00.000+01:00

On a beautiful Sunday, away from the tragedy, a day was spent contemplating many things happening in the world, and then trying to escape into another world- our past. Thanks to Uma, I was aware of a new release - Gombrich's "A little History of the World", a book written in a manner that makes it beautifully accessible to young ones and everyone. It charmed me, and made history alive again. "All stories begin with 'Once upon a time'. And that's just what this story is all about: what happened, once upon a time."

As Gombrich writes " What I have always loved best about the history of the world is that it is true. That all the extraordinary things we read were no less real than you and I are today. What is more, what did happen is often far more exciting and amazing than anything we could invent." Baba once told me the same thing, but I was too immature to realize or to even listen, and it is only recently that I have been on this spree of looking up and starting to read the very same books that were on the shelves of Baba's study, a room I inhabited in my teen years ignoring the history books simply because it was my father's profession. As they say, its never too late to learn :)), and my phone calls with Baba are becoming increasingly peppered with such common knowledge and more questions than ever. On my next trip to India, this book will go to him and delight him, since he has always been a big Gombrich fan.

The parts that delight me most, apart from the wonderful and compassionate writing from one who truly understood our past, is the way he introduces each chapter, making beautiful analogies that help visualize places, and how people lived.
Such as: "Can you picture the desert? The real hot sandy desert crossed by long caravans of camels laden with cargoes of rare goods? Sand everywhere. Just occasionally you see one or two palm trees on the skyline"and then "And yet it was in this strange desert land, with its few, warlike inhabitants, that perhaps the most extraordinary of all the events I have to tell took place" and so Gombrich starts the chapter on Muhammad, his teachings and influence in that period. In the book, Gombrich further describes "the migration of people akin to a thunderstorm, and the middle ages as a starry night"...... and you can visually see and feel them as such.

The book takes on a journey starting from the discovery of Neanderthal man, through the rise of different civilizations and religions across the world, culminating in WWII which Gombrich experienced personally. Elegantly and so passionately, he weaves in and out of continents, touching China, Japan, the Indian subcontinent, (sadly leaves out South America), focusing more on the European continent, never being condescending, instead being a student and a teacher through his words.

A keen observer possessing a deep understanding of the past, he knew that : "The history of the world is, sadly, not a pretty poem. It offers little variety, and it is nearly always the unpleasant things that are repeated over and over again." Looking at the state of the world now, his words chillingly ring true.

Just as Gombrich's "Story of Art", changed and deepened my perception on art, I know that after reading his beautiful lesson in history I will never be able to look at the past in quite the same way again. History will forever be exciting, a living, breathing form that has shaped our present.

If you can, please read it.

Also a more detailed review

But WHY??

2005-10-29T22:48:00.000+02:00

When will it end? This endless cycle of violence?

Now its Delhi thats hit. 3 bomb blasts in one day, on a day before the big festivals of Diwali and Eid, when there's known to be big shopping being done, people going around, and they chose to strike on that day. Why chose any day to unleash this horrible violence? More helpless innocent people dead. Its just sick, sick, sick! Have grown up in Delhi, spent 20 years of my life there, have friends galore, memories galore, and know that Sarojini Nagar is one of the fav. shopping areas for them..so now I have to check, find out if everyone is safe...and is that something anyone should have to do? Just praying hard for friends and family there, and for all those I don't know but who have suffered in this terrible tragedy of hate.
Oh god, I hate these terrorists! What do they achieve other than killing people? Killing Living people who breathe the same air, are made of the same elements as they, and struggle to live on the same earth as they? I will never ever understand, and I never ever want to.

2005-10-28T07:47:00.000+02:00

Several things on my mind today.

Varna’s experience yesterday on a Delhi road persists in my thoughts. Maybe because its another in a long series of accidents that I have seen on that road? I know that road. I have been there so many times, have seen so many people almost run over, some even slightly hit, but nothing so major. Its next to a friend’s place, whom I have visited crossing that road so many times. And so I can picture it so well. Worse still, I can also picture the apathy, and greed, the callousness and the utter cruelty. And it makes me scared. Is that how Delhi could have made me? Or would I still have the sense of humanity that Varna showed under the circumstances? I think the question I really want to ask is Why? How do we lose the sense in the first place? And why can’t there be more people like her who never lose it? What is required in your psyche that helps you keep that heart in the right place?

Familiarity with the place and circumstances, makes the episode very frightening and very sad, to think that in all these years since I have been away, Delhi has yet to lose its callousness.

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On simple blog ethics. Being quite new and still quite an amateur (especially after seeing the stupendously creative and awesome blogs around), I still don’t quite realize the art of "comments". Writing them or answering to them. Should a blog comments sections be treated as a sort of email, so when you leave a comment it is answered to, and the same is applicable to when somebody comments on your piece? Or is it just a personal choice-to answer or not to answer, that is the question. Though when I look around, the enormous numbers of comments make reciprocal answers impossible for some bloggers. I should clarify that these sentences are not statements of any sort, but just musings to help understand the blogosphere better. Any pointers are welcome.

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On Travel. To the beautiful land of Peru. I watched the Globetrekker episode on Peru, and am all fired up about visiting the country (especially Lake Titicaca, the Amazon rainforest, and Machhu Pichhu). It helps that Kaushik has a good Peruvian friend to get us started. But perhaps I should stop thinking of traveling around, and just focus all my energies on just getting a German visa so that I can finally live with my husband. The German authorities don’t seem to want it, the current boss doesn’t seem in favor of it either, so I have to make it work. And work It will :)...

2005-10-27T05:43:00.000+02:00

There is an ache in my heart today,
and only your hug could make it go away.
A big smile at the airport, a wave and your big smile.
Through the security,
Watching you, aching to have you back.
You turned at every step.
Flight no. 25, Singapore Airlines took you in.

The phone speaks your voice.
I hug the pillow.
But I wish, I so wish,
that this ache in my heart would just go away.

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Its been 8 years living apart. Out of necessity, out of stupidity. Would think its easier now that we think we will be together soon. But visa troubles have been plaguing for ages now, and every step is a battle. But the smiles and joy remain. There is still a song in the heart - that of being together. Hope... that its soon, very soon.

2005-10-26T08:52:00.000+02:00

My current fav website... having fun on this... How Stuff Works
K, enjoy, Its a New Day Today!

Blog Quake Day

2005-10-26T06:57:00.000+02:00

Desipundit has declared today as Blog Quake Day to raise awareness and form a united front to help victims of the recent earthquake that hit the northern part of India, and Pakistan.

One of the most affected population during natural calamities are children, and so I dedicate this post to the children that were affected in this enormous tragedy.

Some of the charities focusing on aid for children are -
Earthquake Relief fund for Orphans
Save the Children

More general aid and help in any kind can be offered at any of the following organisations -
Grameen Foundation
WorldVision
Doctors without borders
Oxfam
Mercy Corps

Additional ways to help can be found all around the Indian blogosphere today. Please be a part of this effort.

Happy Sunday

2005-10-16T18:29:00.000+02:00

Kaushik is here for the week, so much fun will be had...!!! Happy grin :)))

After ages, there is a clear sky to look upto. The leaves are turning to much admired shades of color, the only scare I have is that all of them will fall out before we can really see them in their glory. There are huge gusts of wind following the rains, and our driveway is littered with yellow, green and some shades of red, leaves. Fall is my favorite season, because of the hint of autumn spices in the air, the colors, and the weather and Halloween! Not the rain though, but the sun with the chill, and that favorite sweater, and the hot mug of tea to go with it...and today is just right, the ideal Fall day!

Plans are to go to the city, and have a late night out, with husband and friends. Maybe a musical, maybe a hike, maybe a ferry ride, and maybe the museum or just relax in a bookstore --- endless possibilties, all of them joyful.. Oh, after all these days I am super thrilled to go out and have some fun!

2005-10-13T09:00:00.000+02:00

SHUBHO BIJOYA!

Its "Mars" time

2005-10-12T03:43:00.000+02:00

I just listened to this awesome lecture on the Mars Exploration Rover Project by its leader Steve Squyres. He maintains a site here. Oh I am so thrilled, I just loved it!

It is after quite a while that I have goosebumps arising from the thrill of scientific exploration and investigation made during a wide audience lecture. In general, I always feel that when any well-known scientific figure talks to a non-scientific audience, the complexity and intricacies of the subject are either vastly undermined or largely ignored. (Digression- Of course there can also be the other extreme where the audience has to suffer through slides of pure untranslated scientific data without any meaningful interpretations). I find this somewhat condescending attitude a little annoying, and generally don't like to be told that all is hunky-dory, and that the specific questions have clear answers without ambiguities. Being a scientist I always find that hard to believe. It takes ages before a hypothesis is clearly proven, and before that come miniscule faltering steps, and speculations. And these are the most interesting bits that can allow an audience to figure through the questions and come up with possibilities on their own. I find that the process with all its failures make talks much more alive, and interactive. And this is what Dr.Squyres did.

First of all I have to say that the topic - Exploring Mars, is by itself, exciting. But he brought forth the enthusiasm, drawing from the beginning the struggles, the ingenious ideas, the sheer simplicity of some solutions, never undermining the science involved in all the stages. Each detail was lovingly shown, making it easier to grasp the enormity of space exploration ventures. He dispeled some of the popular notions that prevailed before the mission, but not all. There are many varieties of textures on Mars, and for now, its just a beginning. But oh, what a beginning! When the mission started, the Rover exploration robots - "Spirit" and "Opportunity" were estimated to last 90 days. Its been almost a Martian year (600+ days) now and both are alive. Simple solutions of facing in the right direction to keep the solar panels that power them going, lucky "cleaning" events such as winds to clear the omnipresent Martian dust off solar panels, all add to the longevity of the courageous Rovers. They bring forth images, data on minerals, rocks, atmosphere, and more to help us piece together the history of Mars. Originally thought to be dry, the explorations have revealed large chunks of evidence for the presence of water at some point on the planet. Dried beds with porous rocks, minerals that have crystallized out of the porous rocks, and other minerals containing oxy-hydroxy molecules (goethite) all point to the planet being wet nobody-knows how many years ago. Surfaces containing fine and coarse grain materials hint of violent upheavals in Martian planet history. More and more data keeps creeping in. The landscape keeps changing, from craters with lava rock, to beautifully sedimented hills (named after the Columbia shuttle), and surfaces with a wealth of geological information. To sort and analyze these enormous volumes of data will take ages and many careers, but its just a beautiful start, and with each passing Sol (martian day-24hr39min), they quench our thirst for knowledge some more.

To think that just a 100 years ago, driving cars were the big achievement. From then to now... as Steve Squyers says "Its certainly a lot of fun driving robots on Mars"!

Its been a long but short, giddyingly glorius ride. To be able to see what went on behind the scenes from the beginning, the people involved, the creative process, made me want to be an undergraduate participating in this "once-in-a-lifetime" mission. As G says, humans can create the worst disasters on the planet, but they sure can challenge the frontiers in an inspiring way too. For now, that is what makes me happy.

Support...

2005-10-11T08:50:00.000+02:00

Freedom of Speech!

I was just signing off from my blog when I came across this in Ash's blog. The fact that a viewpoint in a personal blog can have such major repercussions in the real world is really an eye-opener for me. Since when do you have to mince words and not have any right to question facts, in a society? As long as it is within limits (which is certainly true in this case) each question gives us new knowledge and newer ways to look at things. Unless of course, the questions prove to be uncomfortable, which can only be when there is something to hide. But then to bully not just the person but an entire organization! How can that reflect well on any institute or its students? All it Can prove is that the institute is ill-equipped to handle matters professionally. I was seriously shocked at the series of personal attacks in the comments section of another blogger YouthCurry who initially reported this IIPM story. Even if a report maybe biased (I am saying this, since I have no way of judging its authenticity), there is a proper way of responding such as arguing with reason and logic. What is the purpose of name-calling or vitriolic comments, and how do they change any of the facts? Of all the comments I read on behalf of IIPM, only two were reasonable and concerned facts. The rest were just gross, attacks without any decency. Its such a shame when a matter of pursuing truth can degenerate into a sordid mess, one that could have been avoided Without causing damage to any individual, institute or its students. Pure bloody shame.

India Uncut details the whole story

Utterly hilarious

2005-10-11T06:52:00.000+02:00

Mahishashurer Paala
Sanjib sent the link to me. Do have a look!

Ei Meghla dine ekla

2005-10-10T22:57:00.000+02:00

ghare thaake na to mon,
kachhe jaabo kobe paabo,
ogo tomar nemontron.....

(roughly translates to :
alone on this rainy day,
my restless self refuses to stay home,
I want to be near you,
When will you invite me ....)

Juthi bone, oi hawa, kore shudhu asha jaoa
Hai hai re, din jai re, bhare andhare bhubon
Kachhe jaabo kobe paabo ogo tomar nemontron
Ei Meghla…

(In the jasmine grove, the wind frolics, to and fro,
Alas, the day goes by, the world is in darkness,
I want to be near you, When will you invite me,
Alone on this rainy day....)

Shudhu jhhore jhhoro jhhoro, aaj bari shaara din
Aaj jeno meghe meghe, holo mon je udasheen

(The winds are stormy, its been pouring all day,
Amidst these clouds, my mind is sad)

Aaji aami khone khone, ki je bhaabi aano mone,
Aaj aashbe, ogo haanshbe, kobe hobe she milon
Kachhe jaabo kobe paabo ogo tomar nemontron
Ei meghla…

(Today every second, my restless mind wanders,
Maybe you will come today, smile at me, Oh when will we have this reunion,
To be near you, oh when will I get your invitation
Alone on this rainy day....)

Song running in my head and my iPod...
Nostalgia...... and a rainy day...... :)

A fresh bout of clouds on an IIT Powai evening

Just the two of us.

2005-10-05T23:37:00.000+02:00

No words needed.
Simply the best feeling in the world.

Hiatus

2005-10-05T18:09:00.000+02:00

Its been some time since I blogged. There are too many personal issues to deal with. They all induce a sad frame of mind, and drain away the energy that I wake up with everyday. The last 2 days have been very drab actually, no spark in the morning. Till when they are resolved, these pesky, annoying, oh-so-make-me-feel-powerless circumstances crowd my mind and push everything else away. I would like to be able to just pass them off, and laugh at these troubles, but at this moment I can't. So its much better that the sadness and the drabness does not pervade this space, and writings will return when I can put things in perspective.

PBS/BBC-Foyle's war

2005-09-27T07:45:00.000+02:00

Watched the brilliant Foyle's War today. Have been following the series now, and want to watch as much of it as I can. I have always loved the BBC productions that were shown in India, or were gleaned from friends, and I must say that everytime I see another of their series, I become more and more regretful of how many of their productions I have never seen. Its a pity, the only way to see them here is to borrow some of the more famous series from the library, or be lucky enough to catch them on PBS (the public television).

Anyways Foyle's war depicts realities in England in the backdrop of the second world war. Foyle is the head of police in a characteristic English country backdrop, doing his very important bit in solving crime, and more, during the WWII years. What is interesting is the layers to the crime drama being played out, the way war affects every facet of life, human relationships, even in the remote countryside, and that you don't need to be in the frontlines of action to contribute your bit in the world... everything counts. It is also highly emotional, and gives the vast dimensions of the war that really could have tilted in either direction, and the sacrifices that were made in the process. At the same time, the pace and complexity of the crime drama is maintained. The cases show Foyle and his team's dedication to their job, their intelligence and integrity to maintain order and humanity in an increasingly threatened world. The acting is incredible, the situations so believable that nothing is blown out of proportion. Its a pleasure to watch such a well-made series, touching and very very human. Law and Order is all very well, but compared to this, they are so bang-in-your-face and loud and belong in a different time altogether (which by the way, is the case).

2005-09-26T23:08:00.000+02:00

In the midst of Portuguese Irregular Verbs, McCall Smith's love for the Irish countryside and thoughts on the passing away of languages -

"Von Igelfeld looked out of the window. Little droplets of water coursed across the glass and made the countryside quiver. He had been thinking of how landscape moulds a language. It was impossible to imagine these hills giving forth anything but the soft syllables of Irish, just as only certain forms of German could be spoken on the high crags of Europe; or Dutch in the muddy, guttural, phlegmish lowlands. How sad it was that the language had been so largely lost; that it should survive only in these small pockets of countryside. This was happening everywhere. The crudities of the modern world were simplifying or even destroying linguistic subtleties. Irregular verbs were becoming regular, the imperfective subjunctive was becoming the present subjunctive or, more frequently, dissapearing altogether. Where previously there had been four adjectives to describe a favoured hill, or the scent of new-mown hay, or the action of threading the warp of a loom, now there would only be one, or none. And as we lost the words, von Igelfeld thought, we lost the texture of the world that went with them."

Amen.

ps. Though its also true that with a new world comes new words to understand and define that world. But since the world is changing so much and so fast, somehow the beauty of language does not seem to be able to keep up with the change. Or maybe because this world seems to be hurtling in one direction where it does not pause and examine beauty in small things in quite the same way, the words don't reflect that "old world" sentiment, anymore. But it still is delightful when you can find those words and, understand the deepness of them, still.

On a Sunday

2005-09-25T23:58:00.000+02:00

This cold is making me miserable! I thought I was better yesterday, but today I am worse... Don't smell, don't hear much, feel so slow, everything seems stuffed up! All I want to do is curl up, and try to sleep, but this stuffed nose makes that uncomfortable too. Just want to complain :)

Actually I think I will make some good hot soup, and some hot tea with ginger. That should make me feel loads better. Just wish it gets over soon, and that I can enjoy Fall in all its glory.

Its been cold today. There is a sort of children's fair going on in the house opposite. There is some fiddle music, and so many children playing outside, next to the lake. The house opposite is huge, with marvelous grounds, leading upto a lake. So ordinary people can't go the lake, its all "private property". All you Can do is to just look at the lake from your window and be envious. This is what I don't like about most of Long Island. Rich people with an aversion to sharing. Not everybody of course, but most of them. At the same time, they can fund the most amazing libraries. The free public libraries here have more variety of fiction and non-fiction than I could ever dream of in even a good well-funded library in India. So yes as always, there's the good part and the bad part. Last week, I borrowed Alexander McCall Smith's series on Professor Doctor Moritz-Maria von Igelfeld.

I am on the last book of the series now and it has been an utterly delightful read. Full of ironic wit about European stereotypes, in the academia and otherwise. Completely enjoyed it and highly recommended.

Mma Ramotswe however remains my favorite.

2005-09-25T03:47:00.000+02:00

There are times I feel its been ages since I had a real home. The places I have stayed in the last 8 years - Bombay (my first love), New York (don't even want to predict how much I will miss this amazingly stupendous city) and now Frankfurt, its all fleeting. I still don't know where I will really feel I was born to be. Maybe it never is like that. Maybe its just once you start working somewhere, you start to like the place, create moments of belonging, associations and then its home. You just learn to put down your roots there. Or you chose to work in a place you like, and then the same cycle begins.

But for people who start over again and again, does any place feel like home? Or is it more like this - "As Asians set down new roots around the world, home is no longer a fixed destination, explains Pico Iyer. It is as much a favorite dish, a memory or an idea as it is an old house."

In this article in TIME I found so many resonant thoughts to how I feel. "In this special issue, TIME invites some of the Asian diaspora's top writers to embark on physical and mental voyages of return."

Read here

I am an artiste!!!

2005-09-22T18:13:00.000+02:00

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a creative hotbed of artistic talent.
You're always making pictures in your mind, especially when you're bored.
You are easily inspired to think colorful, interesting thoughts.
And although it may be hard to express these thoughts, it won't always be.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

October break

2005-09-18T23:35:00.000+02:00

Yay! Kaushik is coming in October for 10 days. Thank God! I was missing him too much. Its worse after we started meeting every 3-4 months, ever since he moved to Europe. Before that, when he was in India, it was like a form of resignation that we meet only once a year or something and there was no way around it, so after the initial period of sharp missing, it was more of a dull ache that I was forced to get used to. But once I knew that we could meet every 3 months, then it was just harder to stay apart. Thats just my personal experience, I am sure its different for other people.

This time, I was thinking he will come only when my residence permit for Germany is done, and we leave together, but he got cheap tickets via Singapore Airlines, and so he comes. Makes me super happy, I am so looking forward to his trip. Might make it to Yosemite with him this time, have to start planning. Will also work better now that there is a deadline.

To keep in mind

2005-09-15T06:59:00.000+02:00

Kaziranga story

Just yesterday I was thinking of the National Book Trust published "The Kaziranga trail" that I had read when I was a kid, and today I saw this article. Just felt like posting the link. Always felt drawn to this sanctuary but have never been there. Just brings to mind another of my definite things to do!

Wednesday night movie

2005-09-15T05:25:00.000+02:00

Watched 2046 by Kar Wai Wong.

I found it beautiful, darkly romantic... and haunting. Words are scarce but their paucity is hardly felt. The images convey more than words ever could. Like the cigarette smoke spiraling towards the sky, the tears on the android's cheek, the "Metropolis" effect to visualize 2046, all in parallel with the 60s era in Hong Kong (which incidentally reminded me of nights in Calcutta) accompanied by a stirring background score with individualized themes for each of the beautiful women whose memories are linked to 2046. Mesmerising.

Some moments remain seared in memory -

* Chow's fountain pen poised on a blank sheet of paper, after he is requested to change the ending of his story to a happy ending. Moments slip by, the nib remains poised and the paper blank. He cannot bring his pen to change the ending.

* "Love is all about timing. Finding the right person before or after the moment is just loss in life."

* When the android in Chow's sci-fi 2046, loses "andriodness" in a capacity to feel just for a very short but memorable while.

* The balcony of the hotel, where characters are silhouetted against the evening sky. One by one they all go away, Chow remains, alone and lonely.

Read the rest here

Irina Slutskaya

2005-09-13T17:30:00.000+02:00

Yesterday they were showing a rerun of the skating championships in China. This was right before the Russia cup. She was just awesome - technically and in terms of creativity. I love watching ice-skating, watching those gravity-defying jumps, and twirls, the sheer beauty of line and form, flowing irridescent colors and the glimpses of passion underneath. For Irina, the passion and love shows in every move, every gesture. She had illness, operations all through the previous year, and yet came back at top form, with new energy, enthusiasm and the characteristic never-say-die attitude. She's irrepressible and seems a genuinely great person. Just one of my heroes.

Today while the blossom still clings to the vine

2005-09-12T21:56:00.000+02:00

This is the song in my head today....

"Today while the blossom still clings to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.
I'll be a dandy and I'll be a rover,
You'll know who I am by the song that I sing.
I'll feast at your table, I'll lie in your clover,
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing...
Today while the blossom still clings to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.
I can't be contented with yesterday's glories,
I can't live on promises winter to spring,
This is my moment and now is my story,
Who cares what tomorrow will bring?
Today while the blossom still clings to the vine,
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine,
A million tomorrows shall all pass away
Ere I forget all the joys that are mine today."

Sung by the New Christy Minstrels and also by John Denver, its the Denver version I heard that I remember well. In a cassette lent to me by Chakri when I was in Class 8. It was a magical cassette with so many songs that I remember but never heard again. They pop up in my mind at unexpected moments and bring me back to the afternoon in Delhi, listening to them on our old Philips cassette player. Today with its memories of yesterdays.